Letters from Home
by KateH12783
Summary: High school graduates Nathan Scott and Haley James have never failed to surprise their classmates. Their from-the-beginning doomed relationship has overcome every obstacle placed in front of them- the best-friendhalf-brother, the internet pornography, ju
1. Prologue

A/N: This fic is probably going to be somewhat different from what ya'll are used to. Hopefully though, I'll make it work and have you enjoying every last bit of. While the pairing is Nathan/Haley, and that will be quite evident from what you see, there is also going to be a slightly different twist to it.  
  
This fic is sort-of A/U. Nathan and Haley were NOT married at the end of Season 1. Luke and Keith did not move to Charlotte. Jake and Jenny moved but returned during the gang's senior year. Other than that, everything to this point HAS happened. Without giving away the plot in its entirety, I want to make everyone aware of the fact that the fic, after this first chapter, most likely, will be a series of letters, with little actual interaction between the characters. It will all come together easily I hope. I hope ya'll enjoy!  
  
Nervously I make my way to the podium, looking out one last time at the crowd before us, the Class of 2006, before I make my speech. As quiet as I've always been, I've been able to handle public speaking very well. But this? This is different. There are over 2,000 of our family and friends out there, anxiously awaiting what I have to say.  
  
"Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen, and Graduates of the Class of 2006: Twelve months ago we were facing out last year in high school. The year we thought we'd never see, we saw but oh, so quickly. Suddenly we were savoring our last days of high school. For this we have many people to thank. We should thank our friends who helped us through the difficult times and made our high school years more memorable." My mind begins to wander back over the past year. The anticipation of being a senior. Luke and I used to sit around in his bedroom, imagining the way our senior year would end. And now, before we can even look back on it, it's over. This is it. Tonight, we graduate.  
  
I take a deep breath, hoping to calm my nerves so I can at least speak clearly and annunciate. "Last year at Tree Hill was different in that there was an influx of students from Pinkerton District High School." Just days before classes were to begin for the school year, Pinkerton was condemned by the city. Asbestos. An abundance far too dangerous for the student population housed at the school. "Somehow, amazingly enough, everyone eventually blended together to form one school, wearing the same school colors and cheering for the same teams. I'm sure we would all like to mention some of the people who made the year more enjoyable, and –dare I say –at times more bearable."  
  
I glance quickly at my cue cards and briefly scan the audience, allowing for my eyes to settle on my first victim. "First, we'd like to thank Coach Durham for finally showing us all what it really means to believe." We all see it just by looking at him. The man has given us all the ability to see something in ourselves that wasn't always there. The beauty. The brains. The athletic ability. All of it is now blatantly present.  
  
I spin around and glance to my right. The guys side of the make-shift stage. "Thank you, senior basketball team, for the excitement provided with the donkey basketball game. (It's not everyday you'll see this group mounting a donkey.)" I think of the prim-and-proper guys sitting on this stage beside me. Not one of them put their image in front of the senior tradition- the donkey basketball game.  
  
My eyes make their way through the guys, finally meeting up with one of the group. "Jake Jagelski is to be commended for showing us, in the fashion show, that John Travolta isn't the only man on earth who struts." The all too quiet father really broke out of his shell for that one. I can still see it in my mind- in his skin tight black ribbed t-shirt, the boot cut blue jeans he had really perfected his strut for that one!  
  
"Thank you, Brian Bowing and Mike Lansing, for giving Mr. Robinson and Mr. Walker a more comfortable teaching aid: A couch!" I'll never forget the morning I walked into homeroom, the class being co-taught by two of the faculty's eldest members, each almost eighty years old. There they were, sitting comfortably on the couch, actually prepared for a lesson.  
  
I plaster a grin on my face, knowing they'll both want to kill me after this one. It was a party at the beach house. An end of the summer bash. The entire class was there. I'm glad I had a camera handy and was able to catch the moment. I glance to my best friend and my boyfriend, finally true brothers sitting side by side, dressed to the nines. "Lucas Scott showed us what a mohican looks like. Thank you Nathan Scott, for your imitation of Lucas Scott's mohican." I allow my eyes to meet with his and wink at him, offering my prize-winning smile before I continue on with my speech. He beams proudly at me.  
  
I turn my stare to the girls now. White gowns and caps in place, they're all sitting smiling happily that tonight is finally here. "We extend our gratitude to the Senior Girls' Cheerleading team for beating the Bear Creek at the annual Classic." This year wasn't the first time but it was just as glorious as the first. "Any team who wears silver baby bells on their cheering shoes deserves to be beaten!" I take this quote directly from one of my closest friends, Brooke Davis. Over the years we have become much closer, more appreciative of each other and our differences. Because of that, we've become so close you'd think we were sisters.  
  
I turn to them, my two best-girlfriends. "Thank you, Brooke Davis and Peyton Sawyer, for the wonderful Spring Prom." The memory is still fresh in my mind. It was by far one of the best nights of my entire life, seeing Nathan dressed up in his tux. The whole night was magical. "Sincere thanks to Alison Goldwin for finally taking the ketchup away from Mouth, that evening; before he could destroy his dessert as well." I glance over to Mouth, who I've known since kindergarten when Luke first introduced the two of us, and offer a light smile, glad he's up for the sense of humor I have tonight.  
  
I turn my eyes back to my list, willing myself to remember who's next. "To Mike Stanbridge, who moved the clock ahead in Canadian Lit., thanks." Mike has always been the class clown. Granted we've never been friend-friends, he's always been the type of guy you could have a friendly conversation with. His trademark smile and his good wits make everyone drawn to him instantly.  
  
"To all those who mentioned sports to Mr. Romain, thereby precipitating a 70-minute sports talk rather than a history lecture, thank you." Mr. Romain. The most sincere physics teacher Tree Hill has ever seen. I'll never forget the day they pulled him off topic and were actually able to engage him in a conversation about the basketball playoffs.  
  
"Thank you, S.A.C. (Student Athletic Council) for the Athletic Banquet, at which Skills thrilled us with his imitation of Michael Jackson." Luckily enough for me, I was invited by Nathan to attend the banquet as his date. Yes, I've got him referring to our outings as dates now! We had a roast beef buffet style dinner. The typical school sponsored meal.  
  
I notice the last two names on my paper and begin to grow sentimental about the whole evening, knowing that the end of my speech means the dispersing of diplomas and the closing of the ceremony. "Finally, to sum up the year, thank you, Kelly Miller, for asking Mr. Hepworth: "Sir, why do we always have to learn?" Kelly Miller. By far the quietest, most serious student in the entire district. The Salutatorian. She never spoke. Never asked a question. Merely sat quietly in the back of the room barely making her existence known to the class. Apparently, she grew sick of Mr. Hepworth's lectures on the psychological development of monkeys in Psychology. It was the first time we'd ever heard her speak. The class got a kick out of it and instantly she became the talk of the school for a day.  
  
I say the words over and over in my head, hoping that somewhere along the line, I don't lose them. "The last year proved a tremendous success for the class of 2006. We should thank our teachers for their support and understanding." I gaze along the line of faculty, all dressed in their gowns, sitting along the front row of the audience. As the sun begins to set in the sky, I have to squint to avoid being blinded by the light. "The students of a school are important, but a dedicated, enlightened teaching corps is absolutely essential to the continued high standards of any school. The Tree Hill teachers rave continually beyond what could reasonably be expected of any group. I would like to thank them for their work and patience and for their never-ending battle to show us how important it is to be always learning, and always seeking wisdom on and beyond the academic level."  
  
This is the hardest part of the entire speech for me. Having to find a way to thank my parents and show them that no matter what, the ups and downs we've been through together that I'm always going to appreciate what they've done for me. "This same sort of dedication can be found in our closest allies: our parents." My eyes travel to them, instantly connecting with my father. He's never been there for me. Never. But for some reason, I still feel like I owe some of this to him. Before I give my next statement, I divert my looks towards the one person who has been more of a mother to me than my own. Karen Roe. "Their caring concern is, in the final analysis, always directed to our best interest. Our parents continually support us in our ventures, and even in our misadventures. They share our panic at exam time, and should rightly share in our elation at successfully straddling yet another hurdle, which is the purpose of tonight's ceremony. The pride our parents feel tonight is, I am sure, a reflection of the emotion we feel for them." She smiles proudly at me, as though I really am her daughter, before nodding, as if to tell me to keep going.  
  
I turn back to my own parents and glare at them. This is for them. "What we sometimes feel is nagging or over-protectiveness, is invariably revealed as a continued attempt on the part of our parents to prod us into thinking as adults." They've never been sentimental. More like drill sergeants. I'll never forget the first time, just this school year, that I missed curfew. It was all worth it, the punishment, after the time I spent with Nathan that night.  
  
I turn to my classmates, allowing my back to the audience. "We, the graduating class of 2006, cannot ignore the situation of the world today." I try not to let the smile that exists on my face to disappear. The country that has taken the lives of so many of our troops is soon going to be taking the most important thing in my life. Nathan. The war in Iraq is still intensifying. We've been in the country now for three years. There is no sign of the fighting dying down any time soon. "Together we must strive to alleviate the fears of all people, it has been said that we are the adults of tomorrow –and tomorrow is rapidly approaching." Our country is still living in fear. After the terrorist attacks that shook our nation in 2001, lives have returned to normal. But the fear still exists.  
  
I turn my stare to Nathan, offering a weak smile as I speak. "As we look forward to and plan for the future, we should also remember the past. History represents the analysis of events and their effect on subsequent generations. It can only be beneficial for us to acknowledge and learn from their mistakes and successes of our forefathers. How can we hope to understand the course of current events if we fail to examine what has gone before us?" I hope he understands me clearly. He is not his father. He is not Dan. He never will be either. He is the most caring, considerate man I have ever met.  
  
They told me when I was writing my speech to be serious. To have a good time, but to remember the important stuff at the same time. "The generations before us developed technology and it quickly became a necessary part of our lives. At present, this development is threatening to run beyond our control. It is our job to grab the reins of technology and re-establish its development for the benefit, not the detriment, of mankind. We cannot allow our lives to be threatened by the menace of nuclear war, political fanaticism or economic instability. We must fight against technology's becoming a Frankenstein controlling the very men who created it. Man must control what he has created."  
  
As I begin to wind down my speech, the realization really sets in. This is it. "Traditionally, the Valedictory address exhorts the students to look to the future and rise to the challenge of whatever lies in their way. It is also true that the speech remains just as easily-forgotten jumble of ideas. It is understandable to be complacent and ignore, politely, of course, the whole process."  
  
I glance out over the audience, the sun beating down profusely on all of them and then I turn back to my classmates. "However, the fact remains that we are going to inherit all the ills of generations before us. We are the successors and must make choices whether we want to or not." We have to live with what has been done before us. We have to strive to make the difference. To change what we don't agree with. But to make the United States a better place to live.  
  
"If we choose ignorance, the price could be existence itself, in an age in which one button and one man's single decision could spell the end of civilization. Are we really in a position to sit back and remain indifferent?" I realize what Nathan is going to be doing just one month from now. It terrifies me, really. To know that he's going to have that kind of power. The kind of power where one decision can change our lives in an instant.  
  
"If we are the inheritors of society's rich and dynamic heritage, we are in the position to tip the scales in favor of peace and security, ushering in a golden age of immense comfort and unparalleled wealth. We must be realistic, however; we cannot be all things to all men, but if as young people we seek individual peace and security, collectively this will be brought about. We must fight a long and hard battle to bring about this golden age." We have been through more in our lives than most people our age have been through. But each and every one of us realizes we can make a difference. At seventeen, eighteen, and nineteen years old, each and every one of us can make a difference.  
  
I can feel the tears in my eyes welling up as I speak my last few words. "Our years at Tree Hill were pleasant and memorable ones. They represent the combination of work and play. This combination is essential to our happiness as adults. We shall fight so that our children may enjoy the same pleasant times we have enjoyed." I try to picture myself, twenty, twenty five years from now. Sitting here, in this audience, listening to the valedictorian speech of my own child's graduating class. It almost seems hard to imagine, but I can see it. I can see our children, my classmates' children sitting here on this law, anxiously anticipating graduation the same way we all did.  
  
"Never forget your days at Tree Hill, for they have been years of fun and friendship."  
  
"Congratulations, Class of 2006!" As these last four words escape my mouth the audience erupts into a roar, the cheering filling the air around us.  
  
I don't really pay much attention as the names begin being called to receive our diplomas. My mind is elsewhere. My thoughts once again stumbling upon my girlfriend's speech. She never ceases to amaze me. "Haley Elizabeth James." Upon hearing her name I look up, desperate to capture the moment forever in my mind. Her striking smile reappears as she collects her diploma and makes her way back towards her seat, offering me a wink as she passes by my aisle on the way. The names continue until I hear that of my own brother. "Lucas Keith Scott." I smile up at him as he stands and makes his way toward center stage to accept his diploma.  
  
"Nathan Daniel Scott." We pass each other momentarily as I make my way up for own piece of pride. It's still hard to accept. Never being able to bring my grades up to receive a basketball scholarship, I decided to take other footsteps than my own father did. During the summer before my junior year in high school I enlisted with the Army. That summer and this past summer I completed all my formal training. In two weeks time, I'm going to be leaving everything behind. Moving to Georgia. Beginning my military career.  
  
The remaining names are called and the Superintendent of the district closes the ceremony. At once, we all throw our caps in the air, watching them rain back down to us. I make my way across the stage and take her in my arms, planting kisses along her jaw line. "You did awesome up there Hales." I congratulate her on her speech and together we head off, hand-in- hand, determined to find our own friends and family amidst the crowd.  
  
Two Weeks Later  
  
"I'm going to miss you, you know." We lay in each others, only the moon light illuminating the room we're sharing. She speaks quietly to me, fighting against tearing up, fiddling with the small gold band on her finger.  
  
"I'm going to miss you too Hales. But we can do this. You know we can." I think back to the past two summers when we'd been separated as well. I know what she's thinking though. It seems so final this time. I'm not going to be returning for classes at Tree Hill. She's going to be leaving for UNC: Chapel Hill. I pull her into my arms, wishing to offer some kind of comfort. It's our last night together. One last chance to just enjoy being together before I leave for who knows how long. "Besides, we're together now. Nothing's going to tear us apart." I smile up at her lightly. We got married tonight. No one knows except us. And for tonight, we're going to enjoy it. Haley and me. Because tomorrow morning I have to say my last good-byes before I leave first thing tomorrow afternoon. Without speaking anymore we sink into each other's familiar bodies, ready to make two a perfect one. 


	2. Letters from Haley and Deb

5-19-06  
  
Hey! I miss you already and you haven't even been gone a whole day. I don't know that I can do this Nathan. I really don't. I didn't think it would be this hard. It wasn't the past two years. But you're a part of me now, a part of me I don't ever want to let go of. Ugh... I don't know anymore Nathan. I don't want you to regret what you're doing. I don't want you to worry about me. I'll be fine, really. I hope you're enjoying yourself. More than anything, I just want you to be happy.  
  
I'm going out with Brooke and Peyton tonight. We're heading over to Tim's graduation party. Karen's going to watch Alex so we can all go to the party together. They're breaking me out of my shell, Nate. They really are. I guess that's not a bad thing, right? Lucas took me out to lunch to get my mind off your leaving. It helped. He brought Alex along. It's amazing how fast that little guy is growing up, you know. It seems like just yesterday we were sitting in that waiting room, listening to Brooke screaming her head off. I was thinking maybe we could get him one of those little motorized Army Jeeps for his birthday this year. You know how much he loves all that army stuff. Who wouldn't though, with you as their uncle?  
  
I'm staying in the apartment. I know I hadn't decided when you'd first left, but I know now. Here is where I want to be. All your stuff is here and I can't exactly go home now, you know. It would just be too hard. Especially since my parents don't have the faintest idea that I'm married now. Well, the phone's ringing. It's probably Brooke with a clothing crisis, so I'll write to you again soon.  
  
XOXOXO, Hales  
  
May 20, 2006  
  
Dear Son,  
  
Well, it's almost June. Hopefully you're still stationed in the barracks and aren't out in the field yet. Otherwise, it could be a while before you see this letter. Dad and I are settled into the new house, hoping to make a new start. So far, the neighborhood is great. All the people are friendly and we fit in well. I haven't seen Haley at all but I've been told that she's been spending her time at your apartment, working at Karen's Café for the summer before she heads to Chapel Hill.  
I heard the weather is gorgeous in Kings Bay. Hopefully once you've gotten into a routine with the work, Dad and I can come down to visit. Have you met some friends? Well, Nathan, I'm not going to keep you. Write to me when you have a chance. The new address is: 258 Pinewood Ave, Johnsonville, NC 22851.  
  
I Love You! Mom. 


	3. Letters from Lucas, Haley and Nathan

A/N: I am EXTREMELY impressed with the number of replies I have gotten on this story. It's amazing! Thanks to all my read and repliers: OTHforever03, lysser8312, Sara, alytru146, and TutorGurl. Thanks so much again, and here's your next update!  
  
26 May 2006  
  
Hey little bro. I just thought I'd drop a quick note- see how you're doing. I'm keeping an eye on Haley for you, just as you asked. I hate to say this, but she seems quiet. She never wants to talk to me... it's almost like she's hiding something. I don't know... maybe I'm just looking too far into it. She probably just misses you.  
  
I heard back from Chapel Hill today in the mail. Basketball training starts the 23rd of July. So now it's kind of a big rush to make sure everything's ready to go. Brooke, Alex and I are going to go look for an apartment next week when I have to go for my orientation to the school and the program. We're trying to get all the stuff in order for the apartment. How the hell did you ever pull it off? It seems like so much to get in order- Alex's stuff, a bed for the two of us, all the furniture. It seems impossible to pull off but it's going to be exciting!  
  
I haven't seen your parents around at all much lately. How are they doing? Like the new house? Mom said she heard from Deb. I guess they like the new place. I don't know... it just seems so far away I guess.  
  
I got another tattoo yesterday. She's really wearing off on me, that girl is. I never used to do out of the ordinary things like that until Brooke came along. I guess she's really changed me. I want to propose to her Nathan. But you know Brooke. She's going to think I'm doing it for all the wrong reasons. She's going to think it's about Alex. About going away to school and starting something new. I don't want her to feel that way, but I know she's going to. What am I supposed to do about it, man? How would you propose to Haley? Well, I hear Alex up crying in his crib and Brooke's at work right now, so I've gotta go take care of the little guy. Keep in touch and good luck bro.  
  
Luke  
  
P.S. Here's a picture Alex drew for you after I got him, he wanted to give it to "Uca Ay"  
  
5-26-06  
  
Hey, it's me again! I got your letters... it's great to hear from you. How was the field? Was it as dreaded as you thought it would be? Luke said he wrote to you. That's cool that you guys are keeping in touch. Don't you remember... three years ago, you guys weren't even speaking, you and I didn't even know each other then. It's kind of amazing how fast things change. Anyways, I was thinking. Karen's going to give me some time off before school starts. A week or two. I was hoping maybe I could come see you. If it's too much, I understand. I just thought maybe we could spend some time together before I'm swamped with school work.  
  
Well, I didn't have much time but I thought I'd put the idea out there. I'm going to babysit Alex tonight. Brooke and Luke are going "out." I love you Nate.  
  
Lots of Love, Your Wife  
  
5-26-06  
  
Hey Ma  
  
Sorry I haven't had the chance to get back to you before now. I've been really busy. I'm having a good time. The guys are all great. We go out together every weekend and we usually get together and play cards at night. I don't have much time, but I just wanted to drop you a quick hello.  
  
I'm glad to hear you and dad are enjoying the new house. Hope things are well between you two. I'll write again soon.  
  
Nathan 


	4. Letters from Nathan, Haley and Peyton

5-27-06  
  
Hey Sweet Girl!  
  
I'm missing you like crazy. It's the reason I haven't written. Every time I think about you I become so distracted that it's hard to concentrate on anything else. But the truth is, I love you more than ever.  
  
I've met some great people here, Hales. They're awesome. A couple of them are even in the same boat as we are, dealing with girlfriends and wives left behind. We go out on the weekend and play cards at night. This weekend we went to the beach. It was still kind of cool but we had a good time. I heard from Mom last week and I've gotten all of your letters. I haven't heard from anyone else though. How is everyone doing? Luke and Brooke and Alex? Karen and Uncle Keith?  
  
Did you guys have a good time at Tim's party? You better have behaved yourself... as if I really have anything to worry about... haha!  
  
I can't believe how much mail you and mom are sending me. It's amazing. Every time we have mail call I get like 10 envelopes. The guys are all jealous. Even their girls aren't sending as much as you! I read them the basics, just because they aren't getting news from their homes. But the stuff you say, most of it, I keep to myself. It's too special to share with them.  
  
I'm going to be in the field again next week, so I won't be getting any of your mail. That's why you won't hear back from me. I do get a phone call on Sunday night before we leave the barracks. Keep your cell phone on you, even if you're working... it's your voice I want to hear. I want to know you're taking care of yourself. That you're holding up okay on your own.  
  
Oh, and I paid the rent on the apartment. It's yours for another month- til the end of July. But we're going to have to talk about what to do with it then. Because you're going to be leaving for the dorms at Chapel Hill towards the end of August... do you want to keep the place for when we both get to make it home? I have enough money coming in to do that if you want to. We'll talk about it later though.  
  
Love you Hales!  
  
5-27-06  
  
It's getting harder, Nate. I told myself to make the best of it. To just think of the end result, that we're going to be together again. But I can't help but think that it's forever away. I don't want you to regret doing this, because I know how much it means to you. (  
  
I had so much fun with Alex last night... that boy is amazing. After Brooke and Lucas left he cried for like an hour. When he finally calmed down, he was fine. I took him to the playground then we walked to the Café and he had some ice cream. He makes me want one of my own. But we can't consider than now. It's not right and it wouldn't be fair to a baby, to have Mommy in one state and Daddy in another. Besides, you've still got a good chance of being transferred to another base. And I've got college... Just wishful thinking I guess.  
  
Peyton and I had lunch together today. Things are going well with her and Jake. Have you heard from either of them? I doubt she's told you even if you have heard from her, but she's not going to go to NYU for art. She's going to go to the community college. So she can stay with Jake. It's still amazing that they stayed together and worked through everything even when he was gone for a year and a half. I guess true love can work through anything!  
  
Well, I'm going to go to bed. This is me, kissing you. Hales.  
  
May 27th  
  
Hey Nathan!  
  
It's weird writing to you. I'm used to having you next door, just down the street. Oh well, you've been replaced. ( Jake took your place. Him and Jenny. He's moved in with me and Dad now. Bet ya didn't know that! Yeah, last week they moved in. Dad's back working most of the time, gone back to whatever he did before he found Karen. I'm kind of glad that didn't work out... I know he was happy with her, but it would have been weird, you, me and Lucas all being related? Too strange. How's the Army treating you? I bet you're really buffing up now. It's cool though. I'm watching over Haley for you, even though you didn't ask me to. Why the hell didn't you guys tell anyone you got married? I ran into her last night. Jake and I were at the park with Jenny. The ring is gorgeous by the way. You did right by her Nathan. You deserve someone like her. I know things haven't always been easy for you, but I think with Haley, that's the best! Congratulations! So, when are you two going to give me a neice? I've got Jenny to dress up, but she's getting too big to dress up. Jake signed her up for pre-K this week. She's pretty excited about that. I already told him I'm taking her shopping for her school clothes. Jake got himself a good job you know. He's working for Adelphia cable. The pay is awesome. We're hoping to get our own apartment in a few months, once we've both saved up some money. Well, I'm going to go play the little housewife and fix us some food. I'm sending you a picture of Jenny. Just something to make you remember everyone you've got back home! Write to me soon!  
  
Peyt 


	5. Letters from Haley, Brooke and Nathan

June 4, 2006  
  
Hey Nate!  
  
I just got unpacked from camping... if you ever make me go, you'll be sorry. I hate a tent. If you think we're EVER camping, we need one of those camper things! It was fun besides the tent. You should have seen the kids. Alex and Jenny had a blast. They love camping. Luke was so cute with Alex. He tried to teach him how to fish. Alex only wanted to play with the worms.  
  
Grandma Roe came up for a day. We had a cookout and took Mr. Sawyer's boat out to a sandbar for the afternoon. It was fun. But I wish you were there. We could have snuck off on our own! Maybe the tent wouldn't be so bad with you there...  
  
It just dawned on me that you don't have one of my pictures with you... to show off to all your buddies. So, I'm sending you my senior pic and another one, just so you can look at me!  
  
I've gotta get to work. Love you stud! Haley  
  
June 5th  
  
Hey Luverboy!  
  
We just spent the weekend camping with your girlfriend- what a trip! She's amazing Nate. Amazing. Do you know she's never been camping before? She was so spooked out in the tent- she wouldn't sleep by the door or the windows. She slept in between me and Luke. Even Alex wasn't as afraid as she was.  
  
Anyways, I don't have a lot of time. I've got to get started fixing some dinner for Luke and Alex. Mac and Cheese as always... for Alex at least. I just wanted to send you some pictures. Jenny in her lawn chair. Alex by the Lake. Alex with his great-grandma. And a couple of the campsite.  
  
Enjoy! Brookes  
  
6-10-06  
  
Hi Peyton.  
  
I got your letter a few days ago. Glad to hear things are good with you and Jake and Jenny. You'd best stop all that talk about a niece. I'm not going to be doing much about that right now, what with Haley in Tree Hill still. How's she doing? Pulling through okay? She sounds so desperate every time I talk to her on the phone.  
  
I heard you guys went camping last weekend. Sounds fun. I wish I was there. I guess though, in a way, I'm doing some camping of my own. I've been doing my field training the last few weeks. That's the reason I haven't had much time to keep in touch with you guys.  
  
Well, I want to have some time to write to Hales too... keep in touch!  
  
Nate  
  
P.S. Don't tell anyone about us getting married okay? We're going to tell everyone on our own time.  
  
6-10-06  
  
Hey Babes!  
  
Glad you had a good time camping!!! Being married to me, it's something we'll do a lot of. There's nothing more romantic than sitting by the campfire... The pictures you sent were awesome! I love your haircut... glad Brooke talked you into it. That girl is gonna be the death of me, you know. She and Peyton both keep the questions about nieces and nephews coming... are we supposed to work miracles or what??  
  
Maybe Luke and Brooke better just keep the kids coming... She sent me some pictures of Alex and Jenny camping. I miss them. I never thought I'd say it, but those two kids are so fun to be around... they really know how to lighten a mood.  
  
I'm waiting to get my next orders. I have two more weeks of ground training left, then they're probably going to ship me elsewhere. I'm going to tell you this, please don't get worried. There's a chance that after my next orders that I'll be shipping overseas. Don't worry sweetie, okay? We've got time to figure everything out. Besides, nothing's for sure yet. The good news is though, after my next orders are complete, I will get a two week leave. So, maybe, maybe... before the summer is up, maybe we'll get to spend some time together. And if I can't get away, you can definitely come visit. As soon as I find out all the details I'll let you know and we can start planning. Okay?  
  
Have you seen Mom and Dad at all? We're going to have to tell them pretty soon... otherwise it'll be bad when they do find out. You can go ahead and tell Luke and everyone if you want... I'm sure it's hard keeping it from them. I miss you Hales and I'll talk to you soon. I'm about due for a phone call so keep that cell phone on ya.  
  
Love you babes! Nathan  
  
P.S. I thought you might like to see the base, so I'm sending some pics that I have!  
  
Hey Big Bro!  
  
I figure I may as well follow your acts... we both know you're never going to let me live this one down. While we're on the topic... you may as well know... Haley and I got married. Right before I left. We didn't want to wait. The time was right and we both wanted that more than anything....  
  
Tell that nephew of mine that Uncle Nathan LOVES his pictures and he wants some more soon! Give Brooke a hug, and you two stay in line! I'll be in touch.  
  
Nate 


	6. Letters from Haley, Nathan and Peyton

July 4, 2006  
  
Hey! I took a few minutes to sneak away from the crowd to write to you. It's kind of hard being there alone. Remember last year? We went to out to Buxton for the long weekend? I keep thinking back to that... it was so perfect... just the two of us in the hotel room... doing nothing but talking to each other. And we had so much fun at the beach with Brooke and Lucas and Alex. Alex was just learning how to walk. And he kept squealing at the seagulls. God, I wish you were here this year. I have no one to sneak off with now.  
  
We're in Hatteras Village this year- in one of those cool colored cottages they have. Everyone's here. Even your Mom and Dad. Wait til you hear this! Karen and Keith are engaged! Can you believe it? I didn't, not when they first told us two days ago. But now, watching them together, I'm so happy for them. I think they're getting married in August, before school starts so we can all be there. I guess they planned it for a day when Lucas would be able to get away from the training camp at school.  
  
Have you heard from Lucas and Brooke lately? They're all set up in the apartment now. It's cute. They ended up with a half-house deal. They got the bottom, which is cool because Alex still doesn't do steps well. He fell down them again last week. Just about gave Brooke a heart attack.  
  
Well, Peyton's here to tell me the food is ready. We're going down to the beach to have a picnic before we watch the fireworks. I hope you're out celebrating some where! Love you Nate!  
  
X's and O's, Haley  
  
7-6-06  
  
Hey girl!  
  
I got your letter from the 4th. You must have overnighted it to me, so I figured I'd do the same for you. Sounds like they kept you busy for the 4th. That's good to hear. Me and a bunch of the guys went to the beach- had a little party of our own... some beer and burgers and hotdogs. We ended up renting a room right on the beach so we weren't driving around.  
  
I was thinking... I'm going to be stationed in Kentucky next. For six months probably. That's what they're saying now anyways. Do you want to come down for a long weekend? Or a week maybe? It would give us some time together... alone... without the pestering of all our friends... that way we could just spend some time together. We need to fill out all the health insurance papers and get all the other paperwork taken care of since we're married now. Think about it. I've got some money put away in an account down here. I could order you a plane ticket.  
  
Well, it's early in the AM and I've gotta get running for the day.  
  
I love you sweetie! Nathan  
  
7/6/06  
  
You guys are married???? I still can't believe that one, although Haley did confirm it... Without telling anyone, the two of you just get married? What the hell were you thinking? Damn.... I guess I'm at a loss for words right now.  
  
I thought Brooke and I were going to be the first... or Jake and Peyton... never in a million years did I imagine that you two would be first... but, I'm happy for you, really. It just kinda sucks that we didn't even get to celebrate with you. Congratulations, though!  
  
We're settled into the apartment now. It's really nice... Brooke did a great job with the decorating. The best part is, the place isn't even white... they let us paint the walls! I know you're not interested in all that decorating stuff... but I thought I'd send you a few pictures of the place...  
  
Well, we're heading out to dinner tonight, so I'm going to get going... Luke 


	7. Letters from Jake, Haley and a Telephone...

A/N: Okay guys... this is one of the few times where there will be interaction between characters... I felt like I was kind of dragging on with the letters and needed to get some other stuff out in the open... there are going to be a few letters here... I think you'll be a little hesitant of what happens in this update, but if you keep in mind, the pairing IS Nathan/Haley, you'll come to like what happens in the end!  
  
I'm dedicating this one to my repliers... enjoy! I'm also wondering if you guys have any suggestions as to who else Nathan receives letters from... More from his mom? Dan? Keith? Karen? Let me know if I'm leaving anyone out or if you'd like to see more interaction between him and the other characters involved... I'm up for your suggestions... I do, after all, aim to please!  
  
7-13  
  
Hey Nate...  
  
Sorry I haven't had the chance to write before now. It's kind of busy. I think Peyton told you Jenny and I are living with her at her Dad's. It's weird though... We're talking about getting our own place, but so far, we haven't acted on it. I almost want to stay put, just because of the convenience with money and all... Mr. Sawyer's really cool with it all... how could he not be though? Peyton and I have been together two years and he's hardly home so that couldn't possibly bother him.  
  
Jenny's all signed up for pre-kindergarten in the fall... I think she's a little hesitant... but she'll do fine I'm sure. Peyton and I have both signed up for some classes at the community college- she's going full time, I'm only going to be taking two classes, so I can still work and all and have time for Jenny.  
  
When are you going to get a leave? A chance to come home? And, how's the training going? You still enjoy it as much as you thought you would? I hope so, I'm sure it's not easy being away from Haley. You guys keeping in touch? Still going strong? I haven't seen much of her lately. I know Peyton keeps in touch, but she's around in the day, when I'm working. Keep in touch, man.  
  
Jagelski  
  
Telephone Call- July 17  
  
The café is quiet for the first time this afternoon since we got our breakfast rush at six am. I settle back against the counter, wiping the stray beads of sweat from my brow and taking a deep breath, trying to catch a few moments of rest before we get hit with the lunch crowd. Brooke, Alex and I come home on the weekends so I can pick up some hours at the café and that way Alex can visit with Gramma. The ringing of my cell phone pulls me out of my trance. Glancing at the cover, I notice the familiar number. Nathan's cell phone. "Hey." I don't bother with the formal stuff... after all, we are brothers. "What's up? Everything okay?" It dawns on me strange. Why is he calling me and not Haley? He doesn't get that many phone calls right now, why would he bother using them on me? Haley isn't even around today. Had she been, I might not have found it so strange that he would be calling me. If that were the case, maybe her battery was dead, the reception was bad.  
  
"Yeah..." My brother responds, almost questioning my own question. "Everything's fine." A moment of silence fills the line between us. It's almost awkward. "Look, the reason I'm calling..." He begins to explain the situation to me. My jaw drops.  
  
"You're serious? You really have to go there?" My voice suddenly becomes filled with concern. Nathan's being shipped to Iraq. "When?"  
  
I listen intently, trying not to let myself get too distracted from the conversation. "My battalion has all its basic ground training complete... we're one of the few from the area that is ready. We're supposed to be shipping out September 1." He stops talking, almost willing me to say something, anything to fill the silence that lingers between us. "Listen, the reason I'm calling. I need someone to pick me up at the airport. They're giving all members of our battalion a month's leave before we ship out. "I don't want to have to tell Haley this on the phone. I want her to hear it in person... she's going to know something's wrong if I just call and ask her to pick me up out of the clear blue. So, I kind of want it to be a surprise."  
  
I stumble upon the right words, struggling to take in the news he's given me. "Uh... yeah... sure... If I've got practice or something, I'll send Brooke and Alex." We finish the conversation quickly, and I grab a slip from near the cash register, taking down all his flight details.  
  
"Aight... I won't say anything to Haley, but I really think you need to at least let her know you'll be home." I stop momentarily, wondering if I really want to suggest what's running through my mind. "Do you want me to ask Mom if Haley can get some time off when you'll be here? So you two can spend some time together?" The conversation is minimal to say the least after that moment and only minutes later, we say our good-byes and hang up.  
  
July 17, 2006  
  
Hey Husband!  
  
It's my only day off this week, and here I am, sitting inside, writing to you. I'm just kidding! I wouldn't rather be doing anything else. It's kind of a crappy day... rainy and chilly. Listen... I've been thinking... Maybe I should just go to the community college... That way we can keep the apartment so there's a place for us to call home... What do you think? After all, this place is it for us...  
  
I saw your mom the other day! She came up for the afternoon to get some help from Karen. She's in the works of opening her own café in Johnsonville. Sounds like it's a gorgeous spot she's got...  
  
She saw the ring, Nate. I tried to hide it, but I couldn't... it was too hard... and anyways... I don't think I want to hide this. We're happy. That's all that matters right? They should be happy that we're happy. I guess it's easier for you though! She didn't seem too upset. Stunned is a better way of putting it.  
  
I'm looking forward to our visit in August. I'm counting down already... only 25 days!  
  
Love you bunches! Hales 


	8. Letters from Deb and Nathan

July 23, 2006  
  
Hey Sweetie  
  
Haven't heard from you in quite some time now. I'm sure it probably has something to do with the little secret you and Haley have been hiding from everyone. Sure, you're young... I can't tell you it's the best decision you two have ever made... but it's your decision none-the-less. No matter what it takes, no matter how I really feel about it- I'm going to push that aside and support the both of you. I'm sure this is pretty hard on Haley. I'm actually surprised she's kept it hidden all this time. I think you two should tell everyone... so you've both got the support you need right now. A marriage isn't easy. Especially when you're as far apart as you two are right now. Well, enough of that.  
  
Your father and I have some news of our own. I hope this doesn't shock the hell out of you. And I sure hope the images you'll picture in your mind don't scar you for life... Do you remember when you were little? You always told us you wanted a brother or sister?  
  
Well... here she is.  
  
I'm sorry it had to come out like that... I had no other idea of how to put it lightly. I'm due the end of November. They're saying she'll likely be a Thanksgiving baby right now, so that will be fun.  
  
Anyways, I'm going to catch a quick nap... I need the rest more and more these days. Call me sometime!  
  
I love you! Mom.  
  
July 23, 2006  
  
Luke,  
  
Don't have much time here... we're finishing up our training drills today then we have the next few days off, mostly getting ready for our leave. I just wanted to write you with all the flight information.  
  
American Airlines Flight 2284 Departure: JacksonvilleAirport 8:16am Arrive: Raleigh-Durham International 10:46am  
  
American Airlines Flight 8921 Departure: Raleigh-Durham International 12:05pm Arrive: Charlotte/Douglas International 1:18pm  
  
So, if you guys are there by 1:30, I'll have my luggage and be set to go. Thanks so much for doing this!  
  
See you on the 1st. Nate  
  
July 23, 2006  
  
Hales,  
  
19 Days!  
  
Love, Nate 


	9. His Arrival Home

A/N: Okay... the next few updates are going to be the month's time frame in which Nathan is home on leave. Hope everyone enjoys!  
  
It's nearly eleven o'clock at night when I finally pull into the parking lot at the apartment building complex. Lucas let me borrow his jeep for the ride back to Tree Hill from Chapel Hill. I ended up staying there for dinner and to visit for a while, since I want to spend most of my time with Haley in the next month. Quietly, I slide my key into the door, unlocking it carefully, not wanting to wake my wife up.  
  
I make my way to the bedroom, carefully not to bump into anything or cause a commotion. Stripping from my blue jeans and shirt to just my boxers, I climb in beside her after shutting the television off. She doesn't stir at the movement of the bed, and I decide to just let her sleep through the night. After the news I have to deliver tomorrow, nothing's going to be the same, so, for tonight, I'm just going to enjoy having her next to me, calm and collected.  
  
The warmth of the sun beats down through the screened window, birds fluttering about outside. As I feel her beginning to awaken, I lean over, planting a soft kiss on her forehead.  
  
"Nate?" She mumbles. I exhale slowly, relieved that she still is able to recognize my kiss. "What are you doing here?" She rolls over, planting her body up with her elbow to look at me. "Why are you home?" All of a sudden I can see the nervousness on her face.  
  
"I'm on leave for a month." I say, pulling her into my arms and allowing her to collapse into them. "Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"  
  
She knows something isn't right though and she's not going to let me off the hook that easily. "You've only been gone for a little over two months. Why are they giving you leave already?" She pulls back from me, apparently realizing something isn't right about what I've told her.  
  
I groan inwardly, not yet ready to have to tell my wife of only two and a half months that her husband is being shipped to Iraq. I pull her back into my arms, not so much as to try and avoid what has to happen but rather to try and offer her some sort of comfort when the next few words escape my mouth. "I have to go to Iraq, Hales. I'm shipping out September 1."  
  
She doesn't so much as say a word. Instead, she stares at me. A stony- eyed stare which leaves to me no consolation of knowing she'll be able to get through this. "Iraq?" The word echoes through my mind as I embrace her tighter, wishing I had never enlisted.  
  
"Yeah. We're being deployed September 1. For six months. So they gave us all a months leave, to tie up any loose ends we may have." I look up at her and notice the tears forming in her eyes. "I came home to spend my time with you. No one besides Brooke and Luke know I'm home." She leans her head into my shoulder, sobbing quietly.  
  
"It's gonna be fine Haley. I promise you." Suddenly, I've upset her.  
  
"You can't make that promise to me. You obviously haven't seen the news Nathan. There's nothing good happening over there." I stop her, pulling her back into my arms, wishing that this never had to happen.  
  
"Haley. Nothing's going to happen. I'm going to be fine. We're going to be fine." I wipe away her tears and kiss her gingerly. At that moment, all the worries, all the unhappiness that we're bound to face in the next few months are erased.  
  
"We kind of need to talk about what just happened." She whispers, looking up to glance into my eyes.  
  
I nod my head uneasily. It shouldn't have happened. We weren't thinking and let ourselves get caught up in the moment. "Let me fix us some breakfast. We'll talk then, okay?" She nods in response, pleased enough by what I've just suggested. "Why don't you hop in the shower and then we'll be ready to eat."  
  
As she makes her way towards the bathroom, my eyes follow her. What are we going to do now? Unprotected sex? Suddenly I want to scream, want to hurt myself for putting her through this. She can't do this alone... that much I know. I reach in to the refrigerator, grabbing the carton of eggs. Right now, I can't think about this. 


	10. Breakfast, Babies and a Whole Lot More

A/N: Okay, hopefully I don't get all your hopes up by doing this... updating twice in one day... because it's not going to be a normal occurrence... I had the inspiration and time on my hands today to make it happen. Thank you: Sara, naleyfan4546, lysser8312, auggy1984, alytru146, OTHlover04, hope165 and anyone else I may have missed! You guys are amazing! Keep the replies coming and I promise I won't disappoint!  
  
"We can't let that happen again Nate." She says, dropping her fork down on to her plate as she finishes her breakfast. I just glance up at her. She really doesn't want that? Children?  
  
I choose my words carefully, not wanting to upset her. "It could be worse you know." That's what comes out. Not exactly what I wanted to say.  
  
"How could it be worse Nathan?" She glares up at me and I regret ever saying that. "You're going to Iraq."  
  
I speak up, almost cutting her off. "I... I didn't mean it like that Hales. I just meant. A baby wouldn't be such a bad thing..."  
  
"I want children Nathan. I do. But not right now. I don't want to raise kids with their father traveling the world in the service. I don't want our kids constantly wondering where Daddy is or when Daddy's coming home. I don't want to raise my children anywhere without you." I look up at her, understanding her words completely. "I'm supposed to start college in less than a month. You're stationed out of Kentucky. We can't raise children when we don't even live together."  
  
I reach across the table and take her hand in mine. "I see where you're coming from. I really do. I just... I... I don't want our time together to be a mistake Hales. I want us to enjoy every step of the way." What I'm saying doesn't even make sense. Not to me and certainly not to her.  
  
"What are you trying to say?" She looks up at me, her eyes glazed over with tears.  
  
"I guess what I meant was... if we just made a baby in there... I don't think it would be the end of the world. In fact, I think it would be kind of great. I don't want you to regret that if that were the case." She smiles up at me, as though she finally understands what I was trying to say.  
  
"I'd never regret it Nate. Never." She squeezes my hand in hers, almost glad that we're finally on the same terms. "I just don't think the time is right. Although... looking at the calendar... it may have been the perfect time..."  
  
"C'mere." I urge her out of her chair and around the table into my lap, hoping to erase her worst fears. "I want you to move south with me." She gasps at my words, unsure of how to respond to my request. She opens her mouth to speak, but I silence her before she has the chance. "Not right now. I'm going to be gone for six months. But after that... after your first year in college... would you consider it? Moving south with me? Living on base? Going to a local college?"  
  
She nods slowly, a small smile appearing on her face. "You don't have to ask. You know that." I'm glad that our conversation finally turned positive. "And Nate?"  
  
"Hmm?" I question.  
  
"I do want babies with you. Lots of them. It just kind of scares me, you know. With you being gone and all..."  
  
"Don't worry about it Hales. No matter what happens, we'll figure it out."  
  
"So, what do you want to do today?" She quizzes me, sitting on the edge of our bed as I finish dressing from my shower. "I was thinking we could pack a few bags and drive out to visit your parents for a few days."  
  
"Hmm..." I shoot her a mischievous grin. "Maybe later in the week." I close in on her, tackling her back on to the bed. "Right now, I happen to know of certain a deserted beach house and a gorgeous summer day waiting for us."  
  
"Okay..." She teases reluctantly. "But I do know of a certain mother who would love to see her son and a certain nephew that would love to see 'Uca Ay'."  
  
"I came home for you Hales. Not Mom. Not Alex. You. And for right now, you're the one I intend to spend some time with." 


	11. Reststop RendezVous

The next few days blow by in blur. It's unreal for me to actually believe he's home. He's home for now, but in less than a month, he'll be on his way to Iraq. "You just about ready?" I'm pulled from my trance as his voice enters the room, soft yet firm.  
  
I nod my head, standing and sinking in to his arms. "Are we heading home first? Or going straight to your parents?" The plan is we're heading to Johnsonville today to visit his parents for a few days, then driving to Chapel Hill and spending a few days with Brooke, Lucas and Alex before we spend the rest of Nathan's leave at the apartment in Tree Hill.  
  
"Are you okay?" I turn my eyes away from the wheel, glancing over to my wife. "You're awfully quiet today." It's when she doesn't respond that I know something really is bothering her. "What's going on Haley?"  
  
Okay, whatever's running through her head is really taking a toll on her. She won't even look at me. I turn my eyes back to the road, waiting anxiously for the next rest stop on the side of the highway, pulling off as soon as one comes into sight.  
  
I open her car door and bend down, finally forcing her to look into my eyes. "What's going on sweetie?" I ask quietly.  
  
She breaks down, leaning in to my arms. "I... I don't want to do this today Nathan. I'm not ready to face your parents yet. I'm not ready to face that this is all happening."  
  
"Haley..." She turns away from me abruptly, brushing her own tears away. "C'mon Haley." I try not to let her frustrate me, but it's hard to communicate when she won't even look at me. "What's really going on? My mom already knows we're married. Neither one of us has cared what my dad had to think for the past two years."  
  
She finally turns to me, the tears no longer running down her face. Instead, she looks angry. "Your mom is pregnant Nathan. You told me yourself." She drops her head on to my shoulder and I'm glad that she's finally opening up to me. "I don't want to see that... I don't want to know that she's the lucky one... the one who's having a baby with the person she loves and know that I'm not having the same kind of luck. My husband is going to Iraq. Going to Iraq and quite possibly never coming home." I hold on to her tightly, allowing her to get all of her built up feelings out. "I want what our friends have Nathan. I want a family. But most of all, I want to know you're going to come home."  
  
I had no idea that this was how she felt. That scared that I wasn't even going to come home from Iraq. I honestly don't know how to reassure her. Partially because of my own built up fear. But for her, I have to be strong. "Haley. Sweetie. I'm going to come home. I'm going to come home and we'll have all that." She slides over on her seat, motioning for me to get in next to her. I take her into my arms and momentarily we're both quiet. "All you have to do is say the word Haley. I'm not going to deny you anything you want. You know that. I know that. Hell, we both know that."  
  
We sit a few more minutes quietly, myself holding my wife. I offer to get us drinks and she agrees, asking for an ice tea. When I return to the car, I'm happy to see that she's no longer appearing as scared as she did before. I hand over the iced tea and make the offer I've decided upon. "You want to turn around? Go back to the apartment for a few days?"  
  
I watch as she shakes her head at me. "No. Let's just go and forget about all this crazy stuff. I know how much your mom wants to see you anyways." With that, I pull back out on to the highway and our discussions change from work to family to our niece and nephew as quickly as the wind. 


	12. The Hardest Goodbye

A/N: Thanks for all the replies... sorry to have to do this to you all....  
  
"Well.... I guess this is it..." I say, rolling over in bed, look at her in the eyes. It's my last day home before I have to head back to Kentucky before leaving for Iraq next week. It's also Haley's last day of summer break. She decided she'd rather keep the apartment and go to the community college. She nods her head slightly, turning away from me in hopes that I don't see the tears that are beginning to stream down her face. Unhappy with the way the day is starting, I pull her into my arms, hoping that for the time being, this will make everything right between us.  
  
"What are we going to do Nate?" She whispers quietly, finally turning to look at me. I shrug my shoulders at her, not knowing how I should respond.  
  
I know I shouldn't be, but I'm suddenly frustrated by all this 'what are we going to do' talk that we've been having. "Hales... let's not do this today babe. Let's just enjoy today, okay? Let's just do something fun, you and me, okay?" She sinks into my body, sobs racking over her own.  
  
So, that's what we did. We spent the day together, enjoying every last minute of our last few hours together for the next six months. Skipping rocks out into the ocean from the beach we talked about anything and everything. And now, I have to do the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Say goodbye. Goodbye to the one person I love more than anything else in the world. An indefinite goodbye.  
  
Glancing over her shoulder to Luke, I pull her into my arms one last time, squeezing her tightly and wiping away the tears that are clouding her eyes. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself?" I whisper to her quietly, almost afraid to speak any louder. She nods in response, but that's not my only request. "Don't worry about me Haley. Worry about yourself." With that, she breaks down, something I totally wasn't prepared for.  
  
"Last call for Flight 8712, heading to Raleigh/Durham International Airport." I motion Luke back over to us; prepared to hand my wife over to my brother in hopes that he'll keep an eye on her.  
  
"I love you Haley. Always remember that." I slowly slink backwards, taking her at arms length and squeezing her hands one last time. I mouth to her 'I love you' one last time before making the final turn, ready to accept the fact that I'm leaving this country next week. Before I enter the terminal I glance back, hoping she doesn't see the longing in my eyes to stay put, to stay with her. She's in Luke's embrace, sobbing into his shoulder. However when I see the way he's looking after her, I know that no matter what, she's in good hands with him.  
  
"Thanks Luke." I'm still strong in his embrace, not wanting to face what is ahead of me in the coming months. I turn around, looking to the terminal, my eyes momentarily catching Nathan's. Why do I have to go through this? Why now? Everything is running through my mind a hundred miles per hour, and suddenly it's to much to handle. I offer him one last wave, planting a fake smile onto my face, not wanting him to see me so upset. With one last look, I turn back to my best friend and break down in his arms.  
  
"Haley, he's going to be fine. You and I both know that." He tries to soothe my worries, ultimately not knowing where they're really coming from. "C'mon. Let's get out of here." He says, turning to walk away, but I won't move. I just stand there, my feet planted firmly on the carpeted floor of the airport. "Hales..."  
  
Rather than forcing me to go, he moves us towards the seats in the concourse, allowing me all the time I need. "I didn't even tell him Luke. He doesn't even know..."  
  
"Know what Haley?" It seems like he's getting frustrated with me. Truthfully I can't blame him. He doesn't want to be here. He wants to be home with Brooke and his son. Who can blame him really? "You think he doesn't know that you love him?" He stares at me, shocked to think that I actually believe Nathan doesn't know I love him.  
  
"Yeah. That." I say firmly, although my voice is full of sarcasm. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, as though he doesn't know what to do to comfort me.  
  
"He knows Hales. He knows." We stand together, glancing out the window one last time as the plane backs out of its spot in the airfield, preparing for departure. "He knows..." 


	13. A Confession

A/N: I hesitated doing this... I really did... but with so much positive feedback, how could I NOT give you guys the one thing you're looking forward to the most? This is just a short update then we're back to the letters... let me know what you think. Do you guys prefer the letters or the personal interaction among characters... I'll consider your opinions, but keep in mind, I can't do much about the Nathan-Letter situation... that much has to stick... I can however, if you guys would like, try to incorporate more interaction between the remaining characters... give me your feedback... I love it!  
  
And thank you again: EmW05, Haleyx3xLucasx3x, alytru146, Aiesha, naleyfan4546, meagan191, OTHlover04, Sara, lysser8312, Alison, auggy1984, Lily, S!  
  
I stare out the passenger window as we turn onto the highway, heading back to Tree Hill. It's not the same now... "When do you have to go back?" I ask my best friend quietly, not really wanting to have a conversation, but knowing that it's only a matter of time until the silence must be broken.  
  
"We're going to stay down tonight and head back tomorrow morning." My shoulder sink. I'm not ready to deal with this on my own. I need someone longer than just tonight.  
  
"You can't stay any longer?" I turn to face Luke, finally getting up the courage to look him in the eyes. Its Labor Day weekend and that means that classes for Monday are all cancelled. An extra two days would be good. It'd be better than good. It'd be great.  
  
"I've got practice Haley. You know that." He takes one hand off the wheel, taking my hand with his now free hand.  
  
"I know. And that's why I wouldn't be asking if I didn't really need you guys right now." He shakes his head in disbelief, almost as though he really doesn't believe me.  
  
"I don't know Hales. I've already missed quite a few practices. I don't think I can afford to miss any more." Instead of trying to understand where he's coming from I break down in tears.  
  
"Just forget it." I don't know why it's upsetting me so much. It's not like I'm the first person to ever have to go through this alone.  
  
"I don't know what's up with her Brooke." We're lying in the spare bedroom at my Mom's house, Alex already tucked away in the portable crib we bought last summer. "She's acting all weird though and won't talk to me."  
  
"Jeez, Luke. What do you expect from her? Her husband just left for god- only knows how long. He's going to Iraq. Do you have any idea what must be running through her head right now?" I turn, propping myself up on my elbow and look at my boyfriend. How can he not understand this one?  
  
"Look..." I sit up suddenly, hoping to finish this conversation and get on with the night. "She wants us to stay longer. I can't. I've already missed too much practice. If you want to, why don't you and Alex stay then get her to give you a ride back Monday afternoon?"  
  
I've kind of wanted to stay longer all along. It's boring back at Chapel Hill. We haven't exactly made any friends yet and I can only stand to stay holed up in the apartment with Alex for so long. "Really?" Suddenly the idea is very appealing to me. It sounds like it'll be the perfect way to end a long weekend.  
  
"Sure. Why not?" He stops, trying to warn me. "But I'm telling you. There's something more going on with her than just Nathan leaving. If you're going to stay, you've got to get it out of her, okay?" I nod my head excitedly, glad to have this opportunity arise.  
  
The quietness that envelops the apartment is almost too much to bear. We're sitting in the living room, not saying a word. Instead, our eyes are both directed to Alex, sitting on the floor in front of us, contently watching one of the evening cartoons that we always happen to catch. I glance up to Haley's eyes and see the longing that exists. I try to change the atmosphere around us by drawing on a conversation.  
  
"Okay, what's going on tutor-girl?" I ask in the playful tone that she's become familiar with. I raise my eyebrows as if to re-question her when she doesn't respond right away. She doesn't respond at all though. Instead, I notice the tears glazing over her eyes as she watches my son so intently from her position on the couch, her knees drawn up to her chest, hugged tightly by her arms.  
  
She shakes her head at me, as if to say she doesn't want to talk. If it were anyone else, I probably wouldn't push her into talking. But it's Haley. If you don't force the emotions out, they'll never voluntarily come. I stand from the recliner and move closer to her, sitting beside her on the couch and pull her into a hug, guessing that a hug would be a good place to start. As her head drops to my shoulder, the tears begin to fall. "I miss him Brooke." She states it plainly, as though it should be obvious. It is. But there's something else eating away at her. "I can't do this...I can't do it without him..." She brushes away the tears, making room for the new ones that are falling.  
  
"Can't do what sweetie?" I ask her, finally softening and taking her position on the whole thing. "Huh?" I pry, hoping she's going to open up to me. "You know Lucas and I are here when you need someone. And Nate's going to be home soon. You're still going to hear from him." Reassurance is something I think she needs right now. Apparently though, it's not enough.  
  
She nods her head, appearing to agree with me. "I know." She muffles, her voice extremely quiet. She sniffles a few times, finally standing. "I'll be right back..." She stands quickly, leaving the living room. I glare at her longingly as she heads down the short hallway and disappears into their bedroom.  
  
I make my way towards where she was headed, almost alarmed that fifteen minutes later she still hasn't returned. I knock softly and enter without waiting for a response. She doesn't stir though, from her position in front of the dresser. With Alex in my arms, I make my way up behind her, placing one hand on her shoulder and glancing over it to see what's captured her attention. I gasp at what I see.  
  
GO HERE!!!! Copy and paste the link to a new turns upon hearing my gasp, the tears once again streaming down her face. "Are you...?"  
  
Sobs rack her body and she sinks into my arms, nodding her head the slightest big. "Oh my god...." I feel horrible. I can suddenly appreciate everything she's been going through the past few days. And quite possibly, the past few weeks.  
  
"Two and a half months..."  
  
I don't know what else to say. How to react. "What'd Nathan say?" I inquire, not sure how he would react to that kind of news.  
  
"He doesn't know. I didn't tell him. I couldn't..." 


	14. Letters from Nathan, Lucas, Deb and Hale...

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this next part out. I was busy with plans over the holiday weekend and seriously lacked quality writing time. This should come regularly again over the next few days, so we'll see... until then, enjoy! The email addresses included with this update are PURELY made up. PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO EMAIL ANY OF THESE ADDRESSES!!!  
  
8-1  
  
Hales, Hopefully you'll get this letter before too long. How is everything home? Doing okay without me around? I'm sure you're doing fine. You always do! How're your classes going? Still on track as far as grades?  
  
I'm worried about you Haley. Luke tipped me off a few days ago- told something wasn't 'swinging right.' He's right... you didn't sound like Haley... it worries me, you know... If something's going on, I want you to promise you'll tell me. Don't keep it inside, building up just because I'm not home. No matter what Hales, no matter where I am, I'm always with you, okay?  
  
I'm on the plane right now, heading to Key West where we're going to depart for Iraq. It's a long flight, I've been told, but other than that, the details just aren't coming in. I don't know how often I'll be able to write or even how long it will take for my messages to get back to you. A couple of the guys here said that we should be able to access an email account and that it would be easier to keep in touch that way. I set one up last night after I got off the phone with you... nscott23marines.us.gov. I set an account up for you too... I guess the emails transfer immediately if it's through the same provider? But anyways, all you have to do is log-on to www.usmcmail.com and you can access your account... hscott23marines.us.gov. The password is the same as all your others! I'll be writing to you from there as soon as the chance arises. Until then, keep expecting my letters!  
  
I verified everything with the branch office before I left the base. Our insurance cards are all set and in the mail. You'll probably be getting them in a few days. Don't forget to take care of changing your name at the town hall. The insurance won't work until your name has been changed and the new social security number has been issued. Until then, if you need the insurance for anything you just have to call the main branch at this base, 614-665-9378, and get all the paperwork processed through there.  
  
I've got to get ready for take-off, babe. Love you tons! Nate  
  
8-1-06  
  
Nate-  
  
Sorry bro, Al wanted to send his uncle another picture... here it got news here... Mom and Keith are engaged... they're finally going to tie the knot... I'm still waiting on the right time to pop the question to Brooke... She's doing really well with her classes... she actually just readjusted some of them so she can stay at home with Alex more during the day... she switched to a couple night courses too, so she's keeping busy.  
  
Anyways, take care of yourself over there... Haley's waiting on you man!  
  
Lucas  
  
September 1, 2006  
  
Nathan, I can't believe this is really it... my only son is heading to Iraq. Please stay safe there... keep an eye on everything. We all need you to come back home safely. Ugh... I'm doing exactly what I told myself I wouldn't do, get all mushy on you.  
  
Things are going well at the new house. Your father has the new dealership up and running. So far it's a huge success. From what I've heard, Keith is doing well running the store in Tree Hill. I haven't seen either of them but Karen tells me he's really enjoying the work. She called today with news... she and Keith are finally engaged. After all these years, they're finally going to really be together.  
  
Your sister is making me bigger and bigger with each passing day. I've gained more weight since I last saw than I have throughout the entire rest of the pregnancy. We've basically got everything situated for her arrival. The nursery is all painted and your father is working on putting everything together and getting it all in place. Now, we're just waiting... only two more months!  
  
Keep yourself safe, honey! Mom  
  
Sept. 1, 2006  
  
I can't believe it's really come to this Nate- a letter here and there, a random phone call. It's the not knowing that's going to be the hardest- not knowing where you are- not knowing that you're safe at night.  
  
It's so slow here tonight but my shift has only just begun. The next four hours are going to kill me. Karen just left for a while. I guess her and Keith are gone out to celebrate. Did anyone tell you they're engaged now? I'm sure you probably have heard it from five people by now, but I just thought you should know.  
  
I've got so much reading for school that I need to be working on, but I just can't concentrate... there's so much going on... I can't even begin to explain in a letter... all I want is to feel your body against mine. That would make everything okay right now...  
  
I love you husband! Haley 


	15. Greetings From Iraq

A/N: I'm trying things a little differently with this update... let me know if you like! Thank you for the continuous replies: They are my motivating factor when working on this piece. Enjoy!  
  
From: hscott23usmc.us.gov To: Subject: Hey!! Sent: September 5, 2006 9:36am  
  
Hey Luke!  
  
Haven't heard from you in a few days- I hope you're not upset about things at the airport and the ride home... I've got a lot going on and it was just too overwhelming having to say good-bye to him, you know? I'm sorry about the way I acted...  
  
The truth is... I'm pregnant Luke... I know... it came as a surprise to me too... Brooke probably already told you by now but I did want it to come from me. I'm not trying to hide anything from you. You're my best friend. I just... I don't even know really... I don't know how to deal with this...  
  
Anyways, I just wanted to say I'm sorry... I have to get going... working with your mom this afternoon...TTYL. Hey, can you have Brooke call me? Tell Alex I love him.  
  
Haley  
  
From: nscott23usmc.us.gov To: hscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: Greetings From Iraq Sent: September 5, 2006 9:54am  
  
Hey Hales!  
  
Just wanted to let you know I've arrived safe and sound... so far, things are going well. We've set up camp and everyone is just getting to know each other right now. We'll get the rest of our orders next week some time.  
  
I miss you like crazy and just wanted to say hi- let you know I'm thinking of you 24/7. Hare are thing at home? Still doing well with classes? I'm sure you are- it's foolish of me to even ask that... this is "Tutor Girl" I'm talking about. You're probably already a shoo-in for the Dean's List and you're only going on what? The third week of classes?  
  
Well, I don't have much time but I just wanted to check in and let you know all's well! I'll be in touch!  
  
Love you bunches, Your Husband  
  
From: hscott23usmc.us.gov To: , Subject: Need A Favor Sent: September 5, 2006 12:48pm  
  
Hey Guys!  
  
Just wanted to ask a favor of both of you, since you're the closest to home! Can you guys keep an eye on Haley for me? Make sure she's holding up alright with me being gone? Just keep her busy and stuff... Jenny will be good with that. Just anything to keep her distracted!  
  
I'm in Iraq now... it's kind of dull so far... we haven't seen any kind of action but we're doing some basic ground training and we plan to be on the grounds in warfare within the next two weeks... please don't tell Haley that... she'll worry too much.  
  
Thanks so much guys, Nate  
  
From: To: hscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: RE: Hey!! Sent: September 5, 2006 1:34pm  
  
Hales  
  
You're pregnant? Why didn't you just tell me? Didn't you think you could trust me??? Ugh... I don't know why I'm doing this to you. It's not like it's fair...Well, if you need anything- anything at all, just let me know okay? I promise I'll be there for your... anytime.  
  
I left Brooke a message to call you... you'll probably hear from her after she's out of her night class and has Alex in bed... I've got a late practice so she's in charge of bedtime tonight.  
  
He wanted "Aun Hay-yey" to know he said "hi."  
  
Keep in touch, Luke  
  
P.S. Hear anything from Nathan? How'd he take the baby news?  
  
From: hscott23usmc.us.gov To: nscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: Greetings from Iraq!!! Sent: September 5, 2006 6:30pm  
  
Hey Honey!  
  
I got your email... glad we can keep in touch this way... it's so much faster than the mail... School is really keeping me busy... it's great though... honestly! My psych class is awesome!  
  
How is it over there? Is it really hot? Like we'd been hearing? Or has the cool-down begun? Hopefully it's nice- not too hot, not too cold. It's gorgeous here- the perfect fall! It's a shame I'm doing it alone though. Remember last year? That drive we took through the mountains? That was incredible. I still remember every last detail of it!  
  
I have to work this afternoon at the café. BTW, I'm so glad I decided to go to the community college and keep the apartment. It's working out really well. Your mom called yesterday, just to check in. I hope you don't mind, but I have her your email, just so she could keep in touch too. Karen and Keith are getting ready for the wedding... they're talking about a New Year's Eve one... that should be fun...  
  
Anyways, I've got some homework to work on before I head in to Karen's. Love You, Haley 


	16. EMails from Peyton and Nathan, Shopping ...

A/N: I'm really glad these email things are working out... however... they are quite time consuming to put together and get on the web... so, because of that, I'm going to switch things up a little and do maybe... 2 emails per update with character interaction as part of the update too! It should make things more interesting for both, you to read and me to write!  
  
From: To: nscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: Haley News! Sent: September 25, 2006 2:18pm  
  
Hello ex!  
  
How's it going over there? Haven't heard from you in quite some time now and since Jenny's not home from pre-k yet I decided I'd take a few minutes to write... she really loves her class... she's got a lot of new friends. Her favorite part about school is the field trips. They went to a farm yesterday. Anyways... enough about her. Jake and I are doing well. I'm so proud of him. He's pulling off great grades in all his classes and working full time too. I don't know how he does it. I have a hard enough time keeping up with just Jenny and my classes without any kind of job.  
  
Haley and I went out yesterday. We grabbed lunch together on campus... believe it or not, the cafeteria food isn't half bad here at Surry. She seemed pretty well, although she was a little quiet. She seemed exhausted though... it's probably a combination of everything...  
  
The mustang finally died on me a couple days ago... blew the head gasket. Keith took a look at it but it's not worth wasting the money on fixing it. Jake took out a loan and we got a Honda CR-V together... it's a little more practical with a kid and all...  
  
I'm going to go spend a little time with Jake before heads to work for the night... I'll keep in touch!  
  
Peyt  
  
From: nscott23usmc.us.gov To: hscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: What's wrong? Sent: September 28, 2006 3:48pm  
  
Hey Sweetie...  
  
Haven't heard from you in quite some time now... is something going on? The last time I did hear from you, you weren't even your perky little self... is something going on?  
  
I heard from Peyton a few days ago... she was telling me about your lunch. I'm glad you're getting to keep in touch with everyone. She was telling me about the new car her and Jake got. Did you see it? She said it's the perfect family car... maybe we ought to get one of those when I come home! Just kidding sweetie, I know you're not ready for that yet and I completely understand.  
  
It's not too brutal here actually... we haven't seen a whole lot of action but what we have seen has been an eye-opening experience.  
  
How are Brooke, Luke and Alex doing? I haven't heard from them in a while now. Is Lucas holding up okay on the team? Tell them both I said hi and give Alex a kiss for me the next time you see them!  
  
Love you sweetie!  
  
September 29, 2006  
  
As the doorbell chimes a second time I move closer to the door, swinging it open. Already I know who's there. Brooke, Lucas and Alex. "Hey guys." I follow them in to the apartment, excited for someone to visit with. Lucas hugs me first, stepping back cautiously as if to take note of any changes that are taking place. Not much of anything. Yet. As he moves backwards, Brooke steps forward, Alex in her arms, enveloping me in a hug. Alex reaches for me, his little arms outstretched.  
  
"Hey bug!" I take him in my arms, enthusiastic to hold my nephew. "So what's on the agenda today?" I ask eagerly. Luke speaks up from behind, trying to take Alex from my arms.  
  
"C'mon Hales. Hand him over. He's getting too heavy for you to hold right now." I chuckle in amusement at his protectiveness. He was the same way when Brooke was pregnant. "And Bug and I are going to visit Mom at the café while you two go about your womanly shopping." He teases, pulling Alex from my arms, smothering him with kisses.  
  
We settle on to the couch, opting to put the plans on hold for a while longer. "How you feeling?" Naturally, the conversation turns to my being pregnant.  
  
I shrug my shoulders, not exactly wanting to have to admit the truth. I feel awful. The morning sickness is a constant reminder of my condition. The tiredness I feel at the halfway point of the day is enough to put me on a downward spiral, making me wonder if I'm even doing the right thing by keeping the baby. And the thought of trying to hide this from Nathan makes me want to explode. I plant the firm look on my face, not wanting to get into this with him. "Fine."  
  
As the room fills with silence I already know what question is coming next. "Did you tell him yet." I shake my head back and forth, not willing to admit in words that my husband doesn't know we're having a baby. "Did you tell anyone? Besides us?" He almost spits, as though he's upset by my not telling his brother about his impending fatherhood.  
  
"Peyton." I speak up quietly from my position in the recliner.  
  
"What about my mom? Does she know?" He watches intently as I offer the same nod as before.  
  
"Haley..." He starts to lecture me but Brooke cuts him off.  
  
"Luke, just let her be right now, okay?" He nods his head silently in agreement to what his girlfriend is saying.  
  
He glances at the clock that's on the wall in front of us. "We should probably get going if we're going to meet for dinner later."  
  
"Oooh... sounds like a plan!" I raise my eyebrows happily at the thought of spending the afternoon with Brooke. Shopping. Ever since we started hanging out she's turned me in to a big shopper.  
  
As we drive towards the nearest mall, the talk remains minimal but serious none-the-less. "When are you going to tell him Hales?" She asks calmly, as though she expects me to go off on her.  
  
"I'm not." I state flatly. "He's got enough going on right now. He needs to stay focused on worry on bringing himself home safely. He doesn't need to know about a baby. That would just cause extra worrying that he shouldn't be going through right now."  
  
"You can't do this on your own Haley. You need his support behind you." She tries to buck me on this one, but I already know what I've got to do. And I'm not about to give in.  
  
"Brooke." I want her to understand why I'm doing this. I want her know my reasoning and understand it. "He can't support me on this right now. Not when he's not here. Besides, I've got you guys. You're helping me." I try to point that out to her, to make her realize that I do have support behind me.  
  
She chuckles at me, almost worrying me. "Fine. I know what it's like to be pregnant. We have our own way of doing things. And I guess if that's what has to happen, it has to happen." She smirks at me from the drivers side seat but turns quickly back to the road. "At least we're going through it together." She states casually, causing me to do a double take.  
  
"No we're not. I'm the pregnant one. Not you. There's nothing we're going through together." I don't want her to pretend to understand what I'm going through. Sure, she's been pregnant before. But she wasn't alone when she was pregnant. Lucas was there the entire time for her. Nathan's gone. He's going to miss it all.  
  
"Actually, tutor-girl, we are going through it together." She raises her eyebrows at me, willing me to see what she's getting at. "We found out last week."  
  
I try to be excited for her, but I just can't muster it up inside of me. She's got it all right now. A boyfriend. A son. A baby on the way. And what do I have? A husband in Iraq and a baby on the way. The two just don't compare to each other very well.  
  
It's near two o'clock when we finally arrive at the mall she's dragged us to. "So, where shall we start? She asks excitedly. "Motherhood Maternity? BabyDepot? Gap? Old Navy?" The thought of already preparing for a baby is slightly overwhelming but I go along with it eagerly. This baby is going to come, ready or not. She whips a credit card out of her purse, handing it over to me. "Here. It's yours for today." I shoot her a questioning glance, waiting for some sort of answer. "It's mom and dad's way of saying congratulations on the baby. They sent me another new card... $90,000 limit- prepaid."  
  
"Wow. I don't know what to say..." I'm still trying to grasp on to the idea that I was just given a credit card with a prepaid limit.  
  
"Just tell me where you want to start." I tell her and we head off in the direction, eager to begin our shopping spree. "We're going to use most of Alex's stuff for the new baby. It's still in good shape. So all we really need to buy is one of those toddler beds. I walk beside her in amazement. In a matter of two years she's gone from being head cheerleader to being the most involved mother I've ever seen in my life. She knows everything there is to know- the cries, the whimpers, the sicknesses. It's amazing.  
  
"What are you going to do about school?" It's something I'm sure we've both been thinking about lately. I've decided to keep going with my degree. The monthly salary checks we have been getting are enough to cover the rent and the car insurance. And even after that, there's still enough to cover the costs of a daycare for the baby.  
  
"Drop out." She states simply. "I don't want to have to leave the kids with a babysitter. Already I hate leaving Alex in day care for a few hours at a time. There's no way I could to that with the baby too. Besides, mom and dad keep sending the money so we'll be good to pay Luke's tuition."  
  
"Hey baby!" She claims excitedly into her cell phone. "Um... yeah. We'll meet you there in fifteen minutes. Oh is she? Okay, that's cool. See you then. What? You did? Luke..." She sighs noticeably loud and clicks to end the call.  
  
She turns to me. "Okay. We've got to go meet them." She reaches for the shopping bags she placed on the floor and speaks up again. "Hales? Karen knows now. Luke told her so she wouldn't work you so hard." I just nod my head in response. I knew it was going to come from him sooner or later.  
  
Don't know if these links will show up or not! pg pg ge/0900631b808d5796L.jpg 


	17. EMails from Nate and the News Broadcast

A/N: Sorry for the time span between updates. The days are getting more and more hectic and I'm just not finding as much time to work on the story. However, the updates should still appear regularly.  
  
As for this update, I'm really sorry to have to take it this way... but the preparation for what's ahead has to begin somewhere... Don't hate me! Keep in mind, it is Haley/Nathan!!!  
  
From: nscott23usmc.us.gov To: hscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: Happy Birthday! Sent: October 1, 2006 10:48pm  
  
Hey Luke!  
  
Don't have a lot of time, but I just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday! Damn it! Now you're really older than me- so not fair! I know it's kind of early for the birthday wish, but we're going to be on the ground in Kirkuk for the next few weeks at least, so this may be the last chance I have...  
  
Congratulations, by the way, on the baby. You guys must be really excited! Don't say anything to Haley but I wish I had at least the hopes of having a baby to look forward to. She's dead set against kids though, until I'm finished with my two-year serving agreement. She doesn't want kids to constantly wonder where I'm at... I understand where she's coming from, but...  
  
Anyways, I'll be in touch as soon as possible... hopefully we don't hit any extensive battles. Say hi to Brooke and Alex for me and next time you see Haley give her a hug and a big kiss from me, okay? Keep in touch, even while I'm in battle. That way I'll have something to look forward to.  
  
"Little Bro"  
  
I roll over and glance at the alarm clock again, frustrated that over a half hour later I'm still wide awake, unable to fall asleep because of the emptiness beside me. 10:58. Thirty-two minutes from the time I first crawled in to bed. Twenty-five minutes since I told the baby about Daddy. Nineteen minutes since I wrote in my diary. Eleven minutes since I turned the lights out a second time. Five minutes since the baby fluttered around, reminding me I'm not the only one having a restless night. Two minutes since I last rolled over and looked at the clock.  
  
Groaning, I pull myself into a sitting position, propping myself against the pillows at the backboard, I reach for the TV control and put on the local news, hoping to hear something. Anything. Anything to reassure me that my husband is safe and sound.  
  
My jaw drops. Of course. If it isn't hard enough to get to sleep tonight. "Now with the latest on the War on Iraq." You might figure those would be the headlines on the news right when I turn it on. I listen intently, wanting more than anything to find out what's going on. I want to stay up- to-date with what's happening even though it scares the h ell out of me. Iraq's government continues facing it's stearnest challenges to date. With the number of civilian car bombings forever on the rise, United State coalition troops are set to enter the city of Kirkuk in hopes of reducing the ever present Hussein followers. As violence continues to mount, US military officials have confirmed the latest: In an attack early Thursday, a rocket landed on a home in the oil-rich city of Kirkuk, killing four US soldiers and wounding three others, police and hospital officials said. An undisclosed number of civilians were also targeted on this latest round of attacks. Despite efforts on behalf of the new Iraqi government, insurgents have made it known that they are unwilling to break down any further, threatening the government with assassinations, bombings, sabotage and other means of attacks.  
  
In attempt to control the attacks taking place, Allawi is gradually increasing security and working hard to boost border patrols in order to prevent the entrance of foreign insurgents into the country. Stay tuned to News 3 for the latest update in the War with Iraq.  
  
Now that my mind is really racing with horrible thoughts I give up on the idea of sleeping tonight. Instead, I grab the laptop off the nightstand and hit the power switch, immediately illuminating the bedroom with the neon glow from the screen. While I wait for Windows to load horrible thoughts run through my mind. I'm greeted with the normal "You've got mail!" greeting. I glance through the messages. Lucas. Peyton. Junk mail. Surry Community College Newsletter. Campus Announcement. Nathan. My eyes stumble upon the name and I almost dread opening the email. I feel guilty. I'm pregnant with my husband's child and he doesn't even know. Every time I write to him I put myself through h ell trying not to release this information to him. Sent: October 1, 2006 10:52? Not waiting a moment longer I click his name, suddenly eager to hear that he's okay.  
  
From: nscott23usmc.us.gov To: hscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: Hey Baby! Sent: October 1, 2006 10:52pm  
  
Hey Babe!  
  
How have you been? I'm doing pretty good. We got some news this evening and I just wanted to let you know of the plans so you're not worrying about why you aren't hearing from me. We enter the ground battle in Kirkuk tomorrow. I'm probably not going to have much time to keep in touch until we're through with that. Don't worry though, I'll be safe!  
  
What have you and Brooke got planned for Luke's birthday? I'm sure you've got some big bash planned! I heard from Tim the other day- first time since we graduated that we've been in touch. I guess he's doing well with his technical training program... did I ever tell you about that? He's going to a program to get certified to do body work on cars... sounds like something he'll enjoy!  
  
Brooke e-mailed me about the baby the other day... she's really excited! I would be too... I can't believe she's going to quit school though... she'll never end up going back. Oh well, it's her decision to make! One of the guys here, his girlfriend just had their baby last week. He got her e-mail yesterday telling him about the baby... a little boy... Tucker, they named him. He's adorable Hales, almost as cute as Alex!  
  
Anyways, I've got to head out. Love you babes! Nate  
  
I finish reading the email and my entire body racks with fear. Kirkuk? That's exactly where the newscaster was reporting on. I'm driven from my stupor though when the instant message window opens. 


	18. Haley's Doctor Visit and EMail

A/N: Thanks so much for the replies: lysser8312, Aiesha, Sara, Haleyx3xLucasx3x, OTHlover04, volleygrl710, auggy1984, Alison, EmW05!  
  
October 23, 2006. Twenty-three days since I've had a decent night's sleep. It's been twenty-two days since I've heard from him. Twenty-two agonizing days. The shrill ring of the telephone pulls me out of my stupor. I hope against all hope that it isn't the phone call I've been dreading. "Hello?" The shakiness is apparent in my voice.  
  
"Haley? Are you okay?" It's Brooke. I take a deep breath- a sigh of relief.  
  
"Huh? Oh, uh... yeah. I'm fine." I mutter, still not sounding totally convincing.  
  
"I'll be there in five minutes. Want to meet me out front?" I nod into the phone, not even realizing that she wouldn't have any clue as to my answer. "Haley? Out front? I've got Alex in the car. I don't really want to have to get him out of the car seat."  
  
"Oh... uh... sure. Out front." I hang up hastily, ready to get on with the morning. The thought of today has been bugging me for a while now. I still haven't told him about his baby. And now, after today, it's going to be even harder not to. I've got my six month appointment today. Today, I'm going to find out if we're going to have a son or a daughter in three months. And by finding out, it's only going to be that much harder not to share the news with him. To not share the excitement we should be sharing. I grab one of his hooded sweatshirts and pull it over my denim overalls, trying to keep warm against the biting fall air.  
  
"Hi Aud Hay-yey." The little boy yawns in his car seat, beaming at me as I settle myself in to the front seat. "Mommy telled me we tan go a McDona's for yunch aday.  
  
"We can, can we?" I raise my eyebrows at my nephew. In the last few months he's really taken off talking. Luke tells me it takes all they can just to get him to be quiet at bedtime.  
  
"Yu-huh!" I turn and smile at Brooke. If there's one thing Alex can do, it's take away my worries.  
  
"He looks more and more like Lucas every day." I tell her. I can see she's relieved that I'm out of my stupor for the time being. She nods in response, obviously dazed by something else.  
  
"So... you're ready to find out for sure today?" The doctor tried to tell me last month but the baby just wouldn't cooperate. He said no matter what, he'd be able to get the baby in position today.  
  
"Yeah. I think so..." I smile lightly at her.  
  
"Come on Hales. You've got to enjoy this..." She pleads with me. "You know, if you'd just tell him it wouldn't feel like such a burden on you. He's ready for a baby Hales. I've read the emails he's sent Luke. You don't even know how much he wants this..."  
  
"Yes I do Brooke. And that's why I'm not telling him. He'll be too distracted. He'll worry that I'm not taking care of myself. If he's distracted and worried then he's not going to be paying attention to anything around him and then he'll end up getting hurt. I just can't do it..."  
  
She should know better than anyone else that you don't try and persuade a pregnant woman into doing anything she doesn't want to do. So I change the subject off of me. "How about you? Any word on whether it's a B-O-Y or a G-I-R-L?" I have to spell it out. They've decided against telling Alex for the time being that he's going to be a big brother. She beams up at me and instantly I know she's been hiding some kind of news. I raise my eyebrows as if to question her.  
  
"The later. A girl!" She practically shouts, forgetting her son is in the backseat with us.  
  
"Who a dirl, mommy?" Alex speaks up from the backseat curiously. "Who a dirl?" I chuckle at his comments, wondering how she's going to worm her way out of this one.  
  
"Aunt Haley's baby, Al. I think Aunt Haley's gonna have a girl." And once again, Brooke pulls through and saves herself! I turn around and pay attention to my nephew, who is obviously in the mood to talk.  
  
"How's Daddy Alex?" I try and imagine what he could have to say about his father.  
  
"He's dood. He binged me to bafketbaw dane wif him!"  
  
"He did?"  
  
"Yu-huh!" He's kicking his legs eagerly, glad to have someone listening. "An, Aud Ay-yeh, Daddy telled me donna tiss Mommy and div her a mond. I on't know what dat is dow. Mommy won't not tell me and Daddy say it a prize." I raise my eyebrows at what Alex is talking about. It's crystal clear to me, but obviously Brooke remains clueless.  
  
"Alex sweetie. Mommy told you she has no idea what you're talking about." Brooke says, referring to herself. "You're going to have to ask Daddy what he meant." I sit there quietly, amazed at what my nephew has just revealed to me.  
  
To: nscott23usmc.us.gov From: hscott23usmc.us.gov Subject: News! Sent: October 23, 2006 1:38pm  
  
Hey Honey!  
  
I know you probably don't have time to write and that's okay... but I just wanted you to know this... I can't keep it a secret any longer. I'm pregnant Nate- five months. We're going to have a baby!  
  
I'm sorry I've kept this from you so long. I found out the week before you left for Iraq and it was too upsetting, knowing I was pregnant and that you were going to miss out on the whole thing... Brooke went with me to the doctor today... we're having a son Nathan- a little boy!  
  
I've been debating whether or not to tell you since your last email... telling me about Tucker. You seemed so excited but I was afraid that by telling you, you'd be distracted, worrying about me and the baby and that you wouldn't be thinking clearly to make sure you were safe yourself. Promise me that you'll focus on keeping yourself safe so your son can mee you. He'll probably almost be here when you get home... I'm due the middle of March, so we'll both be awaiting your arrival! Anyways, I wanted to know... What should we name him?  
  
I've got to go honey. Alex and Brooke are waiting for me to go to lunch. McDonald's... Alex's new favorite! Love you! 


	19. Emails From Peyton, Haley and Halloween

A/N: Okay, I have had SO many IM's coming through asking me about the conversation between Alex and Haley... so I'm going to clarify for everyone, so you guys all understand what's going to be happening in my next few updates! Here is the original text that I posted and after that, I'll give you the non-"kiddie talk" version!  
  
Kiddie Version: "Yu-huh!" He's kicking his legs eagerly, glad to have someone listening. "An, Aud Ay-yeh, Daddy telled me donna tiss Mommy and div her a mond. I on't know what dat is dow. Mommy won't not tell me and Daddy say it a prize." I raise my eyebrows at what Alex is talking about. It's crystal clear to me, but obviously Brooke remains clueless.  
  
Adult Version: "Yu-huh!" He's kicking his legs eagerly, glad to have someone listening. "And, Aunt Haley, Daddy told me he's gonna kiss Mommy and give her a diamond. I don't know what that is though. Mommy won't tell me and Daddy says it's a surprise." I raise my eyebrows at what Alex is talking about. It's crystal clear to me, but obviously Brooke remains clueless.  
  
There you go! Figure it out! Anyways, thanks for all the replies. Keep 'em coming!  
  
To: hscott23usmc.us.gov  
  
From:   
  
Subject: Not Fair!  
  
Sent: October 30, 2006 9:18am  
  
Hales,  
  
We're going out tomorrow night... you and me! I know you can't be drinking but I don't care. I need some quality girl-bonding time. Jake's taking Jenny to some Halloween party she got invited to for pre-k and I don't much feel like tagging along. I already ok'd the plans with Karen and you've got the night off. So, we're gonna hang out and do something.  
  
I promised Brook we'd do a three-way call with her though, so she doesn't feel left out. Her Halloween is gonna suck majorly. Sounds like the morning sickness is really cathing up with her. I still can't believe they're having another baby already... I thought for sure they'd be more careful and wait until they were finished with school. I don't know... she seems really happy though, don't you think?  
  
Did Luke tell you he's going to propose to her? Before Christmas? He's great to her. I still feel bad about stealing him away during high school. How could I have been so low as to do that? I mean, it was so obvious that she was still in love with him after they were broken up.  
  
Listen to this! One of my professors offered me the application for a big Art scholarship. I'd get a free-ride with the rest of my tuition. All I have to do is submit my pieces to the campus newspaper for publishing. That doesn't sound too bad! Jakes' trying to get on the basketball team, just to stay involved with other people. I think it's awesome. He's got tryouts next week.  
  
Anyways, I'll give you a call later tonight about the plans for tomorrow. Right now, I've got to finish up some homework. Peyt  
  
"Remind me again why we're doing this?" I prompt inquisitively. It's insane. Absolutely insane. It's like we're setting ourselves up for self- pity. "Why aren't you with Jake and Jenny?" I thought it seemed strange when I received her e-mail. But now, after I've seen her, something's just not right.  
  
"I needed a break." She states plainly, leaving everything to my imagination.  
  
"A break from what, exactly Peyt?" She's not the type who ordinarily needs a break.  
  
She taps on the wooden frame in front of us, signaling the bar tender over. I glance up at her, knowing better than to question anything she's about to do. "I'll take a mudslide. And a virgin mudslide for this not-so- virgin." She orders up, throwing the bartender a glance that shoots his glance from her to me, taking in my not-so-virginal figure.  
  
"She's four years old Peyt. Why wouldn't you want to do the whole trick-or- treating thing with them?" It almost baffles me. Makes me wonder if they're suddenly having problems that they're hiding beneath the surface. Four-years old. The prime age for enjoying Halloween.  
  
"She's Nikki's, Hales." She mocks my tone humorously taking a sip of her drink.  
  
I don't know what's gotten into her lately, but something's got this girl flustered. "Am I going to have to wait until you're fully intoxicated or are you going to get on with the reason we're here?" I don't mean to be so impatient with her, but the whole pregnancy is starting to wear down on me. Between my hours at the café and schoolwork, the little time I do have for sleep just isn't cutting it."  
  
She groans upset, knowing that I'm not going to let her out of this one. "I think you know where you should be right now Peyton."  
  
"I know where I should be. I know where I want to be..." She turns her stare back to her drink unwilling to look me in the eye on this one. "I just don't know how to be there anymore Haley."  
  
"What are you talking about Peyton?" I'm confused by what she's trying to tell me. She and Jake have been great together. As far as I know, there aren't any problems between them.  
  
"It's not just me and him anymore Hales. We're talking family here." I don't understand why she's so upset about this. "I don't do family well. In case you haven't noticed, I don't exactly have much of one. I don't know how to do that." She takes another guzzle of her mudslide, setting the glass back down and turning her head back to me.  
  
"Peyton, you guys already are a family. You, Jake and Jenny."  
  
"Yeah, we are." I give her a blank stare not knowing what the hell that means. "That's the way it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to be as complicated as it's become this last week."  
  
I can feel myself losing my patience with her. Peyton drunk and me pregnant don't mix well. It's like a chemical reaction gone bad. "Look Peyton, I'm exhausted. I've been carrying a full load for the past three months. What is going on that is so bad you feel the sudden need to get drunk?" I spit out, almost instantly regretting my poor choice of words.  
  
Almost instantly she sobers up, her face expressing a sullen look. "I need you to go with me tomorrow afternoon. To the free clinic. I'm getting an abortion."  
  
"Peyton... come on. Have you thought this over?" She doesn't wait for me to finish but rather nods her head quickly.  
  
"You can't talk me out of this Haley. I know what needs to be done and I'm doing it. I'd like you to be there for me." She asks quietly, as if she's suddenly terrified of the whole idea.  
  
"Does Jake know about this?" I hate to question her, but maybe, with a little reinforcement she'll realize the situation she's in isn't half bad.  
  
"What Jake doesn't know won't hurt him." I can see her eyes glaze over with tears as she disappears into a far-away land. Rather than questioning her anymore I stand from my position at the bar stool and try to console her. "He doesn't want more kids right now."  
  
He obviously has no idea that she is or suspected she was pregnant. Because the Jake I know would never have said those things. "When did you guys talk about this?"  
  
"Last week." Her answer is simple yet it fills any possibility of misunderstanding. "When I first found out, I made a nice dinner for the two of us. Jenny was at her grandparents for the night. It was just us. I tried to hint at the idea that I might be pregnant. He told me we weren't ready for that, that Jenny was more than enough to handle. Someday, he told me, someday. I can't do it to him Haley. It's not fair to him. It's not fair to Jenny. And it's not fair to me."  
  
I decide that rather than bucking her on this I need to be supportive. "I realize that you don't agree with what I'm doing. No one would and I don't even think I agree with it. It's not fair that Jake's here, that Jake could help me through this when you don't even have your husband by your side, a husband who would be so grateful to know about that baby. I just..." I can see her beginning to break down so I engulf her in hug, trying to let her know that no matter what I agree or disagree with I'll be her support. "I just can't do it to us Haley. It'll tear us apart and I can't lose him again."  
  
From: hscott23usmc.us.gov  
  
To:   
  
Subject: Emergency  
  
Sent: October 31, 2006 11:19pm  
  
We leave the room somberly, neither of us speaking. I know I shouldn't have done what I have, but I didn't have it in me not to. I glance up at my friend as she walks gingerly, each step a little more careful than the last as the pain sears through her body. I can tell it hurts. Anyone could. Her hand is placed strategically on her abdomen as if to fill the void of what used to be. "You okay?" I question quietly although deep down I already know the answer. No one can ever walk away from something like this and be okay.  
  
As we open the door to re-enter the waiting room, he's sitting there, his head in his hands, waiting for us as I knew he would be. Oblivious to everything around her, my heart sinks enough for both of us. He stands immediately, pulling her to him and allowing her to finally break down. "I'll catch up with you guys later, okay?" I give her one last hug without pulling her away from him. I hand Jake the pamphlets from the doctor. They'll give him the information he needs to keep her safe.  
  
"Why'd you do it Peyton?" He asks his voice rough and void of any emotions. Completely not the Jake Jagelski voice I recall. I'm too weak to fight him, to staggery to even attempt to go over this with him right now.  
  
"It's what was best for both of us." I'm still in his arms. That's a good sign, right?  
  
"I never wanted this for us Peyton." He pulls me back closer to his body and for once, even though I hate to admit it, I'm glad he's here. "I never meant for it to be this way."  
  
"It's not... not anymore." By the time we make it to the car we're at least having a conversation with each other, trying to make some sense about what has happened- or ended- over the past two hours.  
  
"Damnit Peyton." He shouts, slamming his fist against the steering wheel once we're finally settled in the car. "Why? Why couldn't you just tell me about this?" He must not remember our conversation from last week. My heart sinks upon realizing this. Obviously what we are together is not enough.  
  
"I tried Jake. Last week. At dinner." He exhales loudly at my revelation, allowing himself to finally place some blame.  
  
"Oh man..." He drops his head into his hands, and then sits up suddenly, drawing me closer to him. "Why didn't you just tell me?" I don't respond though. Instead, I allow the tears to fall. There's no use holding them in. This is just something we're going to have to work though. I just hope that someday, he'll be able to forgive me for what I've ruined.  
  
After leaving Peyton in Jake's care I had to work a shift at Karen's. Now, my feet and back are killing me. The pressure is unbearable. I pull out a pair of Nate's old pajama's- flannel pants and one of my own tanks and slide them on quickly, ready to drop in bed and end the day on a good note. It's a routine I've become fairly accustomed to. Like every other night, I pull his laptop off the nightstand, hoping there's some word from him. As the internet page loads I try not to get my hopes up, knowing I'll only set myself up for disappointment. Scanning over the e-mails and finding none from my husband I slam the cover down, not wanting to deal with any of the other messages.  
  
"He's out there baby boy. Somewhere, Daddy's out there, protecting us." I rub gentle circles around my swollen abdomen, trying to relax my son before I attempt at getting some sleep and preparing for the day ahead of me. Before I can do this though, it's story time.  
  
I talk quietly, as if the silence is going to help put the baby into a deep sleep of his own. It's more for me though. Reliving the good times puts me at ease, hoping he'll make a safe return soon enough. "Your daddy was my first real boyfriend you know buddy? And you want to know how he won me over? Everyone knew I was the person to go to when you needed help with school work. Daddy was no exception little man. He came right to me when he was going to flunk his classes and be dropped from the basketball team. But he didn't do it because he wanted me. It was more to get back at your Uncle Luke. That's what it was all about then. Getting even with Uncle Luke for taking over Daddy's sport."  
  
Eventually I grow tired and the baby has long since stopped his movements, ensuring that maybe, just maybe I'll get a decent night's sleep. I whisper quietly, staring out the window at the stars that cover the sky. "Please, send me something, let me know you're okay there." I plead, ultimately know it's not going to do any good. "We love you Nate!" 


	20. Hearing the Unknown, Emails from Deb and...

To: nscott23usmc.us.gov

From:

Subject: (none)

Sent: November 3, 2006 10:34 am

Hey Sweetie!

It's mom. How are things going over there? Still engaged in the big battles? Haley told me she hasn't heard from you in a while... she seemed pretty unnerved about it so I thought I'd give it a chance and see how you're doing. She told me that she told you about the baby... I think she's worried that's why she hasn't heard back from you, although I know that's not the case.

I'm doing well, as are your father and your sister... we've decided on a name but it's going to be a surprise for everyone. Hopefully you'll approve of that decision. It's weird, you know... you having your son and your sister being only a few months apart. Have you given any thought to Haley's name question?

We're all set for your sister's arrival. The nursery is completed and hopefully everything is in place. Now we're just waiting. Grandma and Grandpa came down last week to visit. They seemed pleased with the new house. They're going to come for Thanksgiving and then head to Florida for the winter. They're actually talking about selling the house in New York and moving to Florida permanently. I think it'd be great. The travel has got to be getting hard on them.

Even though your father would kill me if he knew this, I'm keeping an eye on the news daily, hoping to catch a glimpse of you or some sort of news to know that you're okay. I wasn't worried until Haley told me she hasn't heard from you... I'm sure you're fine and that I'm worrying for nothing, but I'm a mother... what can I say?

Stay safe and be in touch ASAP!

Love, Mom

From: hscott23usmc.us.gov

To:

Subject:(none)

SentNovember 5, 2006 8:47 pm

Brooke,

Is there any chance you can come home next weekend? I kinda need someone to talk to... and since we're both KIND of in the same shoes... well... you know... maybe we could talk.

It's getting worse Brooke. I thought as time went on, this would get easier... but it's not. It's getting harder. I haven't heard from him in over a month.

Have you talked to Peyton? I haven't heard from her since the day I ended up calling Jake to the clinic... I hope she's not mad at me for doing that. I've tried calling her and I've even left messages on her voicemail but she hasn't called me back at all. I hope they're not having problems over this.

Anyways, I'm going to meet Deb for lunch today. Get back to me about this weekend so I know if I should take it off.

Haley

"How are you doing sweetie?" My mother-in-law asks curiously, eyeing me up and down as though she expects to see something different. "You're tiny. Are you taking care of yourself okay?"

"Yeah, I'm doing fine." In my denim overalls it's nearly impossible to tell that I'm pregnant, let alone four months along. We grab a booth in the overcrowded diner, hoping to get some dinner even at this late hour. I worked this afternoon and got out at 7. Deb drove in to town for a few days to spend a few days at the beach house, visiting.

"Haley, you've really got to take care of yourself for the baby- make sure you're eating right and getting enough rest." She drones on and I suddenly realize this is why I hate getting together with her. It's not that I hate it, I just hate that she doesn't believe that I'm taking care of myself. What does she expect me to do? My husband is in Iraq. I haven't heard from him in over a month and I'm sitting home, pregnant with our first child, wondering if he even knows we're having a baby.

I decide instead to change the subject. "Have you heard from Nathan at all?" I cringe at what I've said. It's not exactly what I wanted to do, but my mind can't help but wonder if he's okay out there.

She nods her head solemnly, knowing how much it's got to be affecting me. "I haven't. I'm sorry sweetie." She adds as she sees my face fall. "I wrote to him this morning before I left. Maybe we'll hear something soon.

"Yeah. Maybe." I agree quietly, not at all convinced by her offerings. We finish our meals quickly, both eager to be finished with the unsettling feeling that we've caused each other to experience.

I slide in to bed, quickly shutting off the light on the nightstand and letting out a deep breath, calming myself for the first time all day before beginning our nightly ritual.

"Hey bug." I whisper, eager for this part of my day to begin. "I still haven't heard from Daddy yet. But I'm sure he's doing fine out there. I had dinner with Grandma tonight, but you already that. You were with us." I fidget with the bedspread, trying to get comfortable as I continue talking to my unborn son.

"When you grow up honey, I'm hoping you'll be like your Daddy. He's quite the charmer bug. With that personality, he could win over any girl he wanted. That's kind of why I was so surprised when he chose me. But you know what? I learned quickly. I had to do what I could to make sure he was mine, and only mine. I still can't believe I made you daddy's ex-girlfriend go out on a date with him just to keep him away from the other girls. What was I thinking kiddo?" I stop momentarily, reliving the memory vividly, as though it was just yesterday rather than over two years ago.

"Peyton. That was her name. I made her bid on your daddy at the boy-toy auction. I actually gave her money to make sure she'd win him so he didn't have to take someone else out on a date." I jump, startled as I hear an incessant banging on the door to the apartment. _Who the hell would be here at this hour of the night?_ Granted it's only 10:30, it's still baffling to me.

I glance out the peep-hole, trying to catch a glimpse of who it might be. The navy suits say it all. Stumbling around mindlessly, I open the door and let the two men in. "Mrs. Haley Scott?" My mind is swarming with possibilities right now but I do manage to respond somehow.

"Yeah." I mutter. "That's me."

They look me up and down. "Is there anyone home with you?" I can already tell by the looks on each of their faces that this isn't something I want to hear. I shake my head no, unable to form any more words. "Someone we can call for you?" I sink back down into the couch, burying my head in my hands. _Why? Why me? Why now? This shouldn't be happening. Not now._

I manage to utter out a name and phone number to the men and listen while they whisper amongst themselves and then dial the phone number I rattled off. One of them takes the phone in the other room though, not allowing me to hear what's going on. The other sits down beside me, wrapping his arm loosely around my shoulder. I glance up finally, noticing the name on his badge. Sergeant Major John Diminski. "Are you okay, Mrs. Scott?" He questions quietly, trying to draw some response from me. "Can I get you anything?" I can't respond. I'm too shook up by this to be able to answer any question respectably. Instead, I sink into the Sergeant sitting beside me on the couch and sob.

"M'ame. You need to stay calm for the baby." Okay, so he's noticed. _The baby._ Can someone please explain to me how I'm supposed to stay calm? For the baby or not, anyone would not be calm in this situation.

Within minutes, the front door flies open and standing before me are Peyton, Jake and Jenny, all clad in their pajamas, obviously disturbed from sleep. Jake steps up from behind, his daughter sound asleep in his arms. "What's going on?" Peyton makes her way over to me, taking me in her arms

They stand tall, beside each other, adjusting their hats one last time before the man who was sitting beside me speaks up. "PFC Nathan Scott has been listed as MIA, missing in action." A sob escapes my mouth as Peyton hugs me closer, trying to keep my body from wracking from the news. "As of right now, his whereabouts are unknown but we have reports that him and other members of his battalion have been taken hostage." I don't listen to the other news they share, too upset by the initial news that he's missing. Nathan is missing. My husband is missing. My son's father is missing.


	21. No News

"Hello?" I answer the phone impatiently, wondering why it has to keep ringing non-stop. I know they're concerned. They're worried more than ever now that I'm not taking care of myself enough for the two of us.

"Hey Haley." Her cheery voice sends me spindling backwards, wondering just what the hel1 it is that I'm even attempting to be chipper for. The basket of laundry resting on my swollen abdomen leaves me wondering no further. I'm doing it for him. "You doing okay? Holding up on your own alright?" She's called me every day this week. At least three times a day. The last two days are the first I've spent alone since that night almost two weeks ago.

"Yeah Peyton. I'm fine." I must not sound too convincing though because she questions me further.

"Are you sure?" She pauses momentarily, then continues rambling on. "Because Jake's at practice right now and Jenny and I haven't had any lunch. We could come over and grab something to eat with you... just to get your mind off... things."

"No. I'm fine. Really Peyton. I kind of need some time to myself anyways." I mutter quietly, hoping she doesn't catch on to the tone of my voice. I just want to be alone. I want to be left to my thoughts. Alone to deal with what was once a perfect world that was shattered in a matter of minutes.

From: hscott23usmc.us.gov

To:

Subject:Thanksgiving Dinner

Sent:November 15, 2006 11:26 am

Hey Brooke!

What's up for Thanksgiving Dinner? Are we still going to Karen's? Or are we doing dinner out somewhere? If we're at Karen's I want to help get some stuff together. There will be quite a few of us there... anyways... just wanted to find out any new info you might have. When are you guys heading home? Luke said your last day of classes are the 17th? That's cool that you get that whole week off. I have classes right up til Tuesday.

How's the little "girlie" doing? She keeping you going? I'm so glad I didn't get morning sickness like you have. I never would have been able to handle it.

You guys wanted me to watch Alex December 16th through the 20th for you, right? That's fine. It's not a problem at all. Where are you guys going anyways? A little getaway before Baby #2 appears?

Luke told me about him asking why your tummy was getting fat. That's too funny hun! Is he still excited about a little sister? Or has it hit him that he won't be the baby anymore?

Let me know the plans for Thanksgiving and that weekend though. We'll have to do something together.

"Tutor-Girl"

Later that night, after dinner is fixed and cleaned up I pick up the telephone, hoping to make the problems go away somehow. I called to talk about our Thanksgiving plans. But like I figured, the conversation turned off of that and on to me. "Brooke, you've got to talk to her." I plead with my best-friend's girlfriend, hoping she'll be able to stop her best friend from pestering me every four hours.

"Listen Tutor-Girl. She's just worried about you. We all are." I sigh loudly, hoping to get my point across to her.

"Listen Brooke. None of you understand." I shout, raising my voice slightly more than I originally intended to. "You'll never be able to understand. Lucas is with you. Jake's with Peyton. Karen's got Keith and Deb had Dan." I finally allow the tears to fall freely. It's the first time I've allowed this to happen since the night those two Marines appeared at my front door. "I have no one. No one except my unborn son, who at this point, I almost wish I didn't have to deal with." I feel my body racking with the sobs but I continue on regardless.

"He's only going to be a constant reminder of his father. I'm NEVER going to be able to move on with my life and enjoy myself. NEVER." She allows me to talk without cutting in and for once in my life; I actually miss her mouthing back to me.

The light tapping on the door pulls me from my daydream. It's become a routine- like they don't expect me to be able to pull myself off the couch and out of my slumber to answer the door. "Haley, sweetie. Are you okay?" It's Karen. Part of me is relieved to hear her voice. The other part is dreading it. Obviously Brooke had Lucas call her to come check on me. I wipe away the remaining tears, forcing myself to put on a strong front for her.

"Uh... yeah. I'm fine." She sits down beside me and wraps a free arm around my shoulder, offering me the comfort she thinks I need. That's all it takes. My worries, my fears, everything- it all comes out. I just spill my guts to her, knowing she won't judge me for it or try and make it all go away. She lets it be. She doesn't try and make it better. She doesn't try and make me get over it. I can be me with Karen. We talk for hours and finally when it seems to be near midnight her gentle voice takes over. "You probably need to get some rest sweetie." I nod knowing she's right and appreciating the fact that she doesn't tell me to do it for the baby. She's the only one who doesn't remind me about the baby. Instead, she wants me to take care of myself for me. Not for the baby. Not for Nathan. We say our good-byes and I head to the bedroom, pulling the laptop down on top of me once I'm changed into one of his baggy sweatshirts and my pajama bottoms.

I keep writing to him. Partially for myself. But more to prove everyone else wrong. They've all given up hope. Given up on the fact that he's really okay out there, just misplaced from his unit. By writing to him, I'm able to keep going day to day. It's something I have to do. For myself. For Nate. For our son. Wherever he is out there, he's going to pull through for this one. He promised me that much before he left. And for now, I have to do this for him.

To:nscott23usmc.us.gov

From:hscott23usmc.us.gov

Subject:Nothing??

Sent:November 15, 2006 10:45 pm

Ugh... I hate this Nate. Is this you not responding because you're mad at me for not telling you about the baby sooner? Or are you just not in a position to respond right now? This guessing game is going to drive me nuts. I'm probably just paranoid. I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't just ignore news like that...

Your mom called yesterday. She had the baby. Friday afternoon I guess. The doctor kept them both at the hospital until Faith was breathing on her own... Faith, that's what they named her. Faith Trinity Scott. It has a nice ring to it!

Your parents invited me to have Thanksgiving at their house, but I don't know... I think I'm going to Luke's with him and Brooke. I don't know your parents that well... except for your mom. I'd rather do that whole family thing when you're around... I hope you understand!

The baby is moving around a lot now... he keeps playing kickball in my stomach. Its fun though... just sitting and feeling him move, knowing he's a part of you and me. I'm still playing around with different names... but I'm waiting on you to find out what you think. I came up with Mason Kyle and Collin Michael. Although, Nathan Michael does have a nice ring to it!!! We could always call him Natty!

We have two weeks of classes after Thanksgiving until Christmas break. I'm looking forward to that. As much as I love my classes, the baby is really wearing me down. Between him and work and keeping on top of school stuff, I'm overwhelmed. I think I'm going to have to take the spring semester off. I don't see how I can do it any other way... with the baby due in the middle of March. I just can't see starting the semester then having to take a leave halfway through... anyways, it'll all work out. With any luck, you'll be home before it's time to make that kind of decision!

I've got some cleaning to do before I fix some dinner for myself.

Love you Nate!

Hales


	22. Thanksgiving Day 2006

November 23, 2006

"Hey." I greet Lucas quietly and he places a small kiss on my cheek.

"How ya feeling?" He asks, looking down timidly to my ever growing abdomen.

"Eh... pretty good." I put up a front for everyone. Truthfully, with each passing day that I don't hear any news on Nathan, the worse I seem to do. He takes the box of carefully packaged pies from my arms and replaces them with my nephew, Brooke standing behind him, her hand resting on her still flat stomach. "Hey." I smile up at her. Out of everyone here, she's the one closest to understanding what I'm going through.

"Dinner's just about ready." Lucas reminds us, before leaving us to our girl talk. We nod at him slightly.

The meal is kind of low-key, surprisingly enough considering Dan and Deb ended up showing up last minute with the baby. Karen extended the invite for the sake of her once business partner and realizing just how hard it is to pull together a big meal like Thanksgiving with a newborn needing constant attention. With little relenting, they gave in and agreed to a quiet, calm evening for the sake of Brooke and myself.

The food was great, as Karen's cooking usually is. Her gentle words pulled me from my thoughts. "You guys want dessert now? Or shall we wait a while?" The table has since been cleared and dessert has appeared. As scrumptious as it looks, I can't think about eating right now. My mind keeps roaming back to the beginning of the meal when we said grace then went around the table telling what we were thankful for.

"_Okay guys. You know the drill." Brooke chuckles lightly at her words, remembering the previous two Thanksgiving dinner's that she'd attended at the Scott/Roe house._

"_Can I start?" She appears childish, but I know it's all with good means. She and Karen have really taken to each other and it kind of bothers me to realize that Deb and I have never gotten along that well. Karen nods, "Sure. Then we'll just go around the table from there." I offer a smirk, trying to let on that I'm enjoying myself when in fact, I'm really dreading this. _

_She's sitting next to Alex, with Luke on the other side of their son. She beams proudly, her pregnancy glow really showing off in the simple cream-colored dress she settled on wearing. "I'm thankful for my boyfriend, and my sweet little boy." She says, leaning over and plopping a loud kiss on Alex's head, causing the toddler to make noises at his mother's actions. She straightens up, looking back and forth between Karen and Keith. "I'm thankful for you guys inviting us to this lovely meal and cooking for us." She smirks, giving off that goofy grin that's enough to lighten even the worst mood. "And I'm thankful for tutor-girl for being my best girlfriend. I think I'm finished now!" I shake my head in disbelief. Leave it to Brooke to make this enjoyable. "Okay, sweetie, it's your turn." She says, looking to her son._

"_I sank-ul fur ma toys and Daddy. And Gamma and Gampa. And ma toys. Oh! An An-Ay-yey. And Unca Na-fan eben dow I on't know where he is. I finish." He states, clapping his hands at his words of thanks. I watch though, as Lucas nudges him in the side and then leans down to whisper in his ear. "Okay. Daddy says I'm sank-ul fur Mommy and dat baby I tan't see too." Everyone bursts out laughing at what he's said but Alex only looks on confused. "Go Daddy!" _

_Lucas' words are the most surprising though. "I'm thankful for Mom and Keith and their wedding next month. I'm thankful for this healthy little peanut next to me and the littler healthier peanut next to him." He smirks at Brooke and reaches over Alex's high chair to place a hand gently on her flat abdomen. "I'm thankful for Dan and Deb. And Nathan, wherever he is out there." I glance at him trying to hold back the tears but I have to grin at him for his attempts at being polite to his[/i] father.[i]" He turns, looking back at Brooke. From the look on his face, I can tell what's coming and it comes as a complete shock to me as well. "And hopefully, I'm thankful for my fiancée?" He prompts, pulling a large diamond from his pocket. The tears immediately fill her eyes and I know that it comes as a surprise to her too._

"_You're [/i]definitely[i] thankful for her." She winks at him, standing from her chair and settling into his lap as he slides the gorgeous ring on her finger. We continue around the table and it's pretty much the same for everyone. But now, it's my turn. "I'm thankful that you're all here to help me get through this hard time. I'm thankful for my husband, somewhere out there and I hope that wherever he is, he's staying safe. And most of all, I'm thankful for this baby." It's nothing compared to what the rest of them have said, but it's all I can get out._

We decide to hold off on dessert and all head our own ways for a while, wanting to catch up and catch a break. Karen and Keith take Alex, leaving Lucas and Brooke alone momentarily to celebrate their engagement alone, together. I head off to the spare bedroom that was once used as my own bedroom and sink down into the bed, finally allowing the tears to escape freely without being on display. My mind runs over the Thanksgiving dinners Nathan and I were able to share. We took them for granted then. We took everything for granted then.

"Hello?" My voice is raspy from the crying and the tears that cloud my eyes prevent me from telling who's calling.

"Haley?" I gasp upon hearing the voice. "Hales, is it you?" I nod, not even realizing that I've failed to offer an actual response. "Haley?"

"Nate? It's you? You're okay?" All at once, I'm flooded with questions, but rather than overwhelming him, I remember where I am. If I'm too loud or too excited, they're all going to know. If they all know, I won't be able to talk to him privately. To let him in on all that's been going on.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I'm in the hospital, but I'm doing okay. Are you okay? You don't sound like yourself."

"No. I'm fine. Actually, I'm perfect." I tell him, my nerves calming down for the first time in weeks.

"You sure?" It's just like Nathan, putting me before himself and whatever injuries he's probably dealing with.

Without thinking any further, I just begin blurting things out to him, trying to let him into the little world that we've created over the past few months. "What do you think of Charles? Chas, for short."

"Huh?" His voice is confused and I almost wonder if there's something more wrong with him than he's letting on. "Who wants to know?"

"Chas. For our son." It dawns on me then that he doesn't know. "Our son Nate. I'm pregnant." He didn't get my email. Hasn't gotten any of them probably. His voice is quiet and shocked when he finally speaks.

"Really?" I can almost hear the smile in his voice as he responds to me. "We're having a baby? A son? I'm gonna be a daddy?"

"Yeah. You're gonna be a daddy."

"Look baby. I have to get going. I only had a couple minutes to make this call. But I love you. And I love that baby of ours. Make sure you tell him, okay?" I nod silently, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces all over again. "Haley?"

"Yeah. I tell him every night Nate. We talk to you, so you better start listening." I stop talking, not even sure what to say to him after all this time.

"I love you Hales. And I'll be home soon." I nod again, wishing he was here with me now, celebrating Thanksgiving with me the way everyone else here is. With their families. "Take care of him, Hales. I can't wait." And before I can say anything more, before I can assure him that I love him, before I can promise him I'll take care of his son, the line goes dead.

Lucas holds me in his arms, listening quietly as I tell the news to everyone. "He says he's okay. That he's in the hospital, but he's okay." I only tell them what they really need to know. Anything more would take away from what little my husband and I were able to share on our first Thanksgiving as Husband and Wife.


	23. Keeping in Touch with Those Far Away

12/1/06

Hey Babe!

I'm so glad I got to hear your voice the other night. To know you're okay... god, it's been so long since I've been able to contact you that I'm not even sure where to start. It's crazy over here Hales, absolutely crazy. I know we didn't get to talk much the other night, but I just wanted to let you know I'm alright. Well, I guess I shouldn't lie. I'm not "alright" alright, but I'm okay. I suffered a gun shot wound to my foot. It basically shattered my entire left ankle. I'm doing alright though and they're taking good care of it over here. It's probably going to be a while before I get to come home. Since it's not a life-threatening injury, they're going to keep me here in the hospital, rather than transporting me right now. It sucks, but there's not a whole lot I can do about it at this point.

I've given a lot of thought to what you told me over the phone. You sounded so excited about it. Kind of comes as a shock you know? Before I left, you were so dead set against a baby at this point... but I guess when things happen, they tend to make you look at them through a different perspective. I still can't believe you're pregnant... I picture you, the little petite Haley I've always know. It's hard to imagine you, pregnant, carrying our baby. And it kind of saddens me to know that I'm missing out on it all, missing the changes your going through, watching the baby grow on a daily basis even though he can't really be seen, missing the feel of him moving inside of you. I promise you Haley, if I could do it all differently, I would.

Listen, I need a favor from you. I don't want you to be sad. I don't want you to worry. All I want you to do is take care of our son. And Hales? Chas? It's perfect!

Well, I'm gonna try to get some rest before they get me up for x-rays. But, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, loving you more than ever. Oh! Before I forget. I don't have any internet access to check my e-mail. So if you wanna be in touch, just write to me here... it'll take a few days, but I'll get it in the end!

Love you bunches!

Nate

December 9, 2006

She raises her eyebrows at me as I hand her the camera bag. "I'm not leaving until we do this." I tell her stubbornly. When I got Nate's letter I decided I'm going to keep him as much involved with this pregnancy as possible. Sure, it's going to be difficult, him a half a world away, but I'm going to do what I can.

I grab my purse and pull one of Nate's baggy sweatshirts over my head, trapping the warmth before stepping outside in to the frigid air where Brooke is already waiting for me in the car. Ever since Luke proposed to her at Thanksgiving she's been gung-ho about getting the wedding plans in the works. So, that's what we're doing today. Rather than going window shopping, ice skating, or sitting by the fireplace like any normal individuals do at Christmas time, we're going shopping for a wedding dress. Yes, a wedding dress. They've set the date for July 17, 2007, just over eight months away, giving Brooke plenty of time to return to her "pre-baby" weight.

She raises her eyebrows at me as I settle against the driver's side door of her Volkswagon Beetle. "I can't believe you just made me do that." She exclaims, exasperated. "Do you know how bad they're going to bust on Nate?" I try not to react to her, reassuring myself that I know my husband better than she does, reassuring myself that he's going to love the little pictures I've put together for him. Rather than frustrating myself by responding to her, I change the subject.

"Do you know what kind of dress you're looking for?" She nods ambitiously.

"Something simple." She turns to look at me quickly before glancing back to the road. "And you and Peyton are going to wear something bright. I don't know, pink, orange, yellow maybe." I listen as she chatters away about her "dream" wedding excitedly. "And hibiscus. That's going to be the flowers." She's already told me all about the location. The secluded beach area just outside of town, overlooking the ocean in the middle of the afternoon when the sun's beating down.

She drops me off a few hours later having settled on the "perfect" dress. I have to admit, it is perfect! Simple but perfect! The answering machine is blinking, letting me know of the new message waiting for me. _Hey babe. It's me. I was just calling to check in, see how you and my little boy are doing! Anyways, you must be out with Brooke or Peyton now. Call me tonight when you get in, I'll be waiting to hear your voice. Just call my cell phone, I've recovered it for now and it seems to be working. If not and I don't hear back from you, I'll try giving you a call later on! Love you!_ I sigh contently, glad to hear his voice. He's cheery. That's a good sign. Knowing I'm going to be able to tell him everything that's going I opt to write just a fast note, enclosing the first bit of what's to come in the following months.

Thanks for writing Nate! You can't even begin to imagine how much I miss having you here, missing out on all this. And because of that, I've compiled a little something for you. It's not much yet, but the collection is going to continue to grow in the coming months. Hope you enjoy them!


End file.
